Blue and Gold

Several months ago, Stephen and I were asked to serve in Cub Scouts. If you ever asked me what church service I would want to do, I would have answered "anything but Scouts." God heard me, so He put me in Cub Scouts. At least I have Stephen to work with me. I am Cub Committee Chair and Stephen is Cub Master which means we are the top two leaders for our ward troop. We have three dens, one for each age group between eight and ten. Our troop, however, is very small. We've had den meetings (meetings for all the boys) where only one boy would show up. We never had more than three boys at a time. It was kinda pathetic.

To solve this problem, we combined with another neighboring troop. They have large turnouts and a system already in place that was functioning well. We hopped onto their schedule, but we are also providing equal leadership. Hopefully, this will benefit everyone. However, I'm learning my job doesn't really change from this combining, which is both good and bad. It's been a growing experience at best. I've come to appreciate the boys, but I still dislike the Scout program and all the regimented regulations I have to jump through. I wish things were simpler.

That being said, there is one aspect I got to participate in that I really enjoyed. Every year, the Cub Scouts have what is known as the Blue and Gold Banquet. It's like a birthday party for Cub Scouts. My attention was grabbed at the word "Party." I love throwing parties. I enjoy hosting, decorating, and making fun events on a budget. I recently hosted a baby shower for my sister-in-law and a Little Mermaid birthday party for Paige. This Blue and Gold Banquet was an opportunity for me to actually enjoy some aspect of Cub Scouts.

This would also be the first combined pack meeting for the two troops, which meant our numbers were much higher than it otherwise would be. Several of the ten-year-old boys would be earning their Arrow of Light award, which is basically the biggest award in Cub Scouts. Because of this, the other troop decided to theme the night around that award. "Path to Adventure" became the guiding phrase which, in juncture with the Arrow of Light awards, led to a camping theme for decor. I scoured Pinterest for inspiration and though that and some thinking on my own, I feel like I came up with a pretty great setup for the night. I think pictures will best explain how things turned out.

We set up a tent and camping chairs to help set the mood. We also borrowed three Christmas trees to add to the "authenticity" of the campsite.

We had 13 tables total for out estimated 100 people. We came nervously close to that number, but had enough seating and enough food for everyone. The tables were decorated with a blue tablecloth to go with the Blue and Gold concept.

I made little fires to go on the tables as centerpieces. I was trying to figure out the best way to make it look like a campfire by making paper logs of some sort, but for the size I wanted (and the weight of the tissue paper falling on itself), little buckets worked the best. I already had some given to me from the previous leader, so that helped. Half were blue and half were gold. I used a red and yellow tissue paper to create the flames.

At the front and center of the room, I made a large fire using several tissue papers and a borrowed fire pit. It was referenced later in evening during the ceremony for the Arrow of Light awards.

We went with the camp out theme for dinner and ate hot dogs. Someone else was in charge of the food, but I helped by providing the cliche camping water dispenser and all of the gold tableware you see. I liked the idea of the gold tableware on the blue tablecloths.

I was asked to also provide the dessert for the night. Initially I was going to just order some from Walmart, but I felt like it would be too expensive. I also loved the idea of making s'more inspired cupcakes. So I decided to swim into the deep end of the crazy pool and made all the cupcakes myself. I used six boxes of cake mix and made almost 150 cupcakes. We had less than a dozen leftover, so my estimate was close. I used chocolate cake and vanilla frosting and topped them with a graham cracker and Hershey's chocolate square for a treat worthy to be roasted next to a campfire. 

How perfect is this photo!

The star of the show for the evening was a man dressed in Native American clothing who presented the Arrow of Light Awards. He told the "origin" story of the Arrow of Light and had all the boys captivated. They sat around the fake campfire I had made for the man's ceremony while parents watched. It was a hit. I think all of the younger boys are now very motivated to earn the award themselves.

Overall, it was a fun night. It was stressful to plan for such a large party, but I focused on a few details and let the rest be. I tried to be budget minded. In total, all of the decor, tableware, and even the cupcakes totaled $105.00. The food came to cost more than that, but since the other troop was in charge of the food and the program, I wasn't involved in that planning. I think they spent $160 or something close to it. Both troops had a budget of $200, so we came in well below what we needed to. I don't think the extra money could have bought us anything more to make a difference. I'm really happy with how it all turned out.

A Little Too Little

I've been trying to figure out how I wanted to share the latest news, and figured for the amount of detail I want to share, a blog post would be best. I was going to write a blog post anyway after Connor's 4 month check up so I could share his measurements--I just assumed they would be positive. Unfortunately, they're not so good. Connor has been dropping in percentiles since birth. He started in the 55% for his weight when he was 2 days old. He then moved to the 37% by 2 weeks. He was suppose to be back up to his birth weight (8 lbs 6 oz, or 8.37 lbs) by that age, but was only 8.16 lbs.

His doctor wasn't too concerned at that point, but had me bring him in for a weight check at one month. He was 8.6 lbs then, putting him in the 27th percentile. For his two month appointment, Connor dropped to the 16% with 10.6 lbs. I was slightly concerned, but I knew Paige had also been near the bottom of the curve. She was petite, but she followed her growth curve pretty well and stayed around the 20%. I guessed Connor would be the same way.

It was all fine until we weighed him last week at his 4 month appointment. Connor only weight 11.3 lbs. This means he didn't even gain a full pound in two months. He is now in the 0.33% for his age. Obviously, when you take the weight of all babies and make percentages, someone's going to be on the bottom. But where he started healthy and average and has dropped so significantly, there's now reason to be concerned. 

To preface, I really like Connor's doctor. He's been super supportive of things I want to do and I feel like he really listens and knows what he's doing. I would recommend him to anyone. So when he kindly told me that Connor needs supplementation, I knew that was the right answer. His doctor wants me to continue nursing him as his primary source of food, but to add 8 to 10 ounces of formula a day, mostly for the sake of calories.

I'm confused as to why Connor's not gaining weight well. He nurses almost every two hours. I feed him until he's content, and he's good until he naps and then wants to eat again. He's also nowhere near sleeping through the night. He's back to wanting to eat about every two or three hours overnight as well. With all the feedings I am literally and figuratively drained. When I pump, I get two or three ounces at a time, which should be sufficient. With all this, he should be a chunky baby, but instead, he's pretty chicken boned. 

We've been adding formula for a week now. He takes it just fine. It's been nice to let Stephen and even Paige help out with the feedings a bit. I still am nursing, sometimes more frequently now with a handful of sessions within a few hours. He does one 4-hour stretch between 8 and 12, but then after that, I'm feeding him as often as is reasonable. It's hard to say if it's working or not since I don't have an infant scale, but we'll take him back in at 5 months to check. One thing that has increased is the amount he spits up. If anyone wants to send more burp clothes, we always seem to be in need of one.

Other than his weight concerns, Connor is doing pretty well. He's hitting all of his developmental milestones just fine. He's chatty and playful. He loves to be looked at and tickled. He thinks Paige is hilarious, and she has fun making him laugh. He rolls from his tummy to his back, this time more purposefully, and is starting to be interested in toys. He's doing better with accepting the car seat, but still prefers to be held essentially always. There's lots of positives in his life, so if we can figure out this eating thing (and then the sleeping thing) we're good to go.

Paige has been doing really well. She's so smart. She's still obsessed with the show Daniel Tiger, and often sings the songs or quotes lines from the show in her life. She is a good helper and loves to "work together" with me. We've taken the plunge and gotten rid of her pacifiers. It's day three, so whose to say how effective it will be, but she's doing better than I worried she might. Potty training isn't doing that well, though. It takes a lot of endurance on my end, and lately, that's been lacking. 

Let's have a quick recap of the past few months with some noteworthy events:

We spent a few days at Stephen's family cabin. It was really nice to spend time with extended family and let Paige explore nature and be a bit more adventurous than normal. I appreciate the time to disconnect and live a little simpler. I'm grateful to be a part of Stephen's family--they are very welcoming to me and fun to be with.

Stephen and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary. He took me out on a fun date where we ate at a food truck (something that's been on my bucket list), took selfies in front of three temples, went mini golfing, and ate frozen yogurt. It was nice to have a childless date for the first time since Connor was born. 

Over Labor Day weekend, we hosted Stephen's Sister and her family. It was the first time we had them at our house. Paige had a lot of fun playing with her cousin Elise, and it was cute to compare Connor with his cousin Spencer, who is only a few weeks older than him. We loved having the Page family over and enjoyed out time with them. 

Stephen and I participated in our first yard sale. Our community does yard sales twice a year, so we decided to get rid of some of our stuff and sell it for cheap. We probably didn't even sell half of it, but we did make like, $40 or something close to it. The neighborhood kids were our best customers. It was a good experience, and we'll probably do it again someday. 

Well, that's my recap. Keep Connor in your thoughts that things improve for him and that there are no significant complications. I really hope this is just the problem and not a symptom of a bigger problem. Things could be worse, but they also could be better. And maybe one day, I'll sleep through the night again. Maybe.

Two Kids, Two Years and Two Months

Connor is two months already. Well, two and a half. Paige is also almost two and a half, but in years. My kids are growing up fast, and this blog hasn't captured that in a while. For some reason, I've been busy and haven't written much. But both kids are sleeping and the house is relatively clean, which gives me peace to write for a bit.

Connor has been a huge blessing in our lives. He's a very typical newborn, which is both good and bad. Paige was abnormal in her sleep schedule and didn't nap well, but slept through the night like a champ by six weeks. Connor also doesn't nap great, but he also doesn't sleep through the night. Not even close. His naps are often only a half hour long unless he's being worn in a wrap, but then I have a baby strapped to me for hours.

There have been nights where he's up every other hour (and a few nights early on where he literally woke up ever hour between midnight and 7). Most nights, he'll do a five hour stretch or so, but that often starts around 8:00 p.m., which means I don't reap the benefits of that as far as my sleep is concerned. Yeah, I could try going to bed at 8:00 too, but honestly, I need my kid-free time each evening to unwind. On a good night, he wakes me two or three times to eat. But he's always been good at going right back to sleep afterwards, so that's a blessing.

Connor eats every two hours or so during the day, which is normal for a baby. It can get emotionally taxing to nurse him that often, so sometimes I pump and have Stephen give him a bottle, which he takes just fine. He is a quick eater, at least. The first few weeks, he would take about five minutes per nursing session. He's going longer now as his stomach has more room, but it's still only ten to fifteen minutes. Connor has plenty of wet diapers, so I know he's getting enough.

Now for the section that will embarrass Connor when he's older. He's had issues with being very gassy and colicky since he was born. His gas would also smell like rotten eggs, which signaled to me that something wasn't right (one day I'll look back and know he's been a stinky boy since birth). I tried several remedies but nothing seemed to help much. At his two month appointment, the doctor prescribed him baby Zantac for acid reflux, as well as instructed me to give him probiotics for digestive help and prune juice to help him have bowel movements more frequently than once a week like he was doing. Since we started that regiment, he's done a lot better. Hopefully, his body will mature enough soon that he won't need all the assistance. 

Connor loves being held, but is also pretty content to chill in his bouncy seat. He loves watching his sister be funny and silly, yet already flashes that uncomfortable and concerned look when Paige hugs him. He enjoys loud noise and being worn in either the baby carrier or wrap. He hates his car seat as well as shopping (he gets that aversion from his dad). Connor has without fail cried during the sacrament every week he's gone to church (which was at two weeks old--yes, I'm crazy); it doesn't matter if he was eating or sleeping only minutes before. Overall, he's a typical baby boy.

Paige has adjusted really well to her brother. At first, she really didn't want anything to do with him, but she warmed up after a few weeks and now gets really excited to see baby Connor. She wants to help me take care of him. When I'm nursing him, she'll want to come sit on my lap and help, too, which normally means she'll pretend to eat from his head. It's really amusing. She also wants to help me pump and grabs any nearby toy and puts it on her belly button. But she is actually helpful when she throws away his diapers, or brings me a burp cloth. (Which, P.S., why do I never have enough burp cloths?!)

Paige talks in full sentences now, and is very smart when it comes to colors, shapes, numbers, letters, etc. She'll point out hexagons when she sees them. What two-year-old can accurately identify hexagons? Paige's latest obsession is Daniel Tiger, and calling it an obsession is an understatement. She loves the little jingles they have, and I've used that to my advantage when the situation calls for it. I love how it teaches emotional and social skills, especially when her "book smart" is so well established already. 

I've also attempted potty training Paige. We've had a couple of good days, but I've have had to postpone my efforts twice now as she quickly looses interest and refuses to sit on her potty chair. Candy and stickers were helping, so I'll use those again. But being enticed by big girl underwear and reading potty books didn't keep up the hype. She asks for her diaper if I try to let her go without it to the point of crying for it. I don't want to traumatize her experience, so I'm trying to not push too hard. She's given me all the signs that she's ready, but, for whatever reason, is going to take her sweet time getting there. I want her to have it mastered by January so I can enroll her in a nearby preschool. We have time, so hopefully she'll get it soon.

Paige loves music and musical instruments. She's often "playing" the trumpet, piano, guitar, triangle, drums, etc. with toys she pretends are the instrument of choice. Today, I put some rubber bands over an empty tissue box and she's been thrilled to play her new guitar.

I take Paige to story time at the library often, and she loves it. She's also loved swimming and playing in water this summer. She'll pretend she's swimming a lot as well, which is basically just running, so I invite her to "swim" when I need her to walk fast. She loves helping me in the kitchen, looking at Connor, and playing with her Daddy. She's a spunky toddler!

The past two months have been an adjustment, but we've also had some fun times as a family. Our extended family from both Stephen's and my sides came for Connor's blessing. He looked absolutely adorable in his outfit, but cried during his actual blessing. My family stayed for Independence Day celebrations, where Paige participated in a neighborhood kids' parade. I've also started going to the gym and exercising more. After feeling miserable for nine months, and then taking two months to recover, I'm ready to feel healthy again. I'm already feeling the benefits from it, so hopefully this is just the start.

Don't be surprised if the blog posts are few and far between--it just means I'm focusing on being a mom in the moment. Though, I do want to have this record to look back on these fun times. So far, managing two kids has gone alright, but I know the journey is only beginning. But there's no one I'd rather do this with than my little family.

Connor's Birth Story

I have some time right now to jot down my thoughts and experiences on Connor's birth. I'm in awe at how well everything went and how great it all turned out to be. Birth is truly a miraculous thing, and there's so much beauty and power in the intensity of it all. If medical stuff makes you squeamish, you may want to skip this post. It's also going to include more details than you probably want to know, so be warned of the length.

To set the scene, my due date was May 18th, but because I was measuring large and had excess fluids, my midwives recommended I consider induction measures closer to 39 weeks rather than the traditional 40. I started taking evening primrose oil around 36 to help my body prepare for labor, though the oil itself wouldn't actually start labor. About a week ago, I pulled out my breast pump I used with Paige and used that to stimulate my body, which encourages the uterus to contract. I could tell my body responded when I used the pump, but nothing beyond cramping.

Saturday night, I started getting some pretty strong contractions. I could tell they were more than Braxton Hicks because of their intensity and location (I felt them a lot in my back, which I didn't with other false labor). I spent the evening trying to tell if my body was really going into labor or if things would settle down. I decided to spend that evening sewing the quilt I was making for my son. I had been making him a blanket and been working on it for a few weeks, but it wasn't quite finished yet, so between contractions, I sewed. I tried to time my contractions, and while they were frequent, they never stayed consistent. I could also talk through them, which made me think labor wasn't kicking in just yet. I ultimately took a shower and that made the contractions subside enough that I could sleep for the night.

Sunday, I finished my quilt, not wanting that to be a mental roadblock for this baby to come. I knew I was only 38 and a half weeks along, but I also felt that this baby was coming sooner than that. At my last midwife appointment on the 3rd of May, I asked to be checked to know how far dilated I was, if any. They said I was about a one, but part of me thinks they were being nice and generous with that number. I was also a little effaced, but again, not by much. However, when I finished and scheduled my next appointment for May 10th, I had a thought that I wouldn't make it that long. I figured it was wishful thinking. 

I'm not sure when the idea of May 9th popped into my head. I think it was after May 4th came and went and he wasn't born on Star Wars day. But for the past little while, I kept thinking he might be born on May 9th. I had no reason for this other than a small impression, and I wouldn't have been surprised if that day passed without progress. My mom called me Monday evening (May 8th), and I mentioned to her my impression but told her that so far, things felt normal. During the phone call, I started getting some contractions I would label as Braxton Hicks, which of course got my hopes up, as well as my mom's. 

I spent some time with Stephen playing games, and for a while my body settled. Around 11:30, things had picked up slightly again, and I decided I would try to pump and see what happened. The pumping again caused my body to react, and the contractions strengthened. I could still walk and talk through them, though. Stephen and I decided we would just have to wait and see, so we went to bed. I'm grateful Stephen was able to get some sleep, but my body wasn't so relaxed. I used an app to time the length and spacing of the contractions, and while I don't think I was all that accurate at pushing the buttons at the right time, my phone was saying they were three to five minutes apart and each lasted a minute to a minute and a half. 

At 1:45, I decided I better shower and see if the contractions lasted through it or not, because either I needed to begin making arrangements or get some sleep. While the shower helped to cope through the contractions, they didn't stop. At two, I sat down on the bed, which was enough to rouse Stephen awake. We talked about what was happening a bit, trying to decide if it was go time. 

While talking, the contractions became stronger, and we decided to call the midwives. Through the phone call, I had several more contractions, which was enough to convince all of us that this indeed was real labor, and we agreed to meet soon at the birthing center. Stephen gathered our things and loaded the car while I called Denise, Stephen's Aunt, who had agreed to take Paige while I was in labor. I then went and woke up Paige, who was confused but complied. We left the house shortly after three and dropped Paige off, then went to the birthing center, where I arrived at 3:30.

It was as if my body had been as uncertain as I was whether or not this was real labor, but once I decided it was, my body shifted into labor mode. My contractions were consistent and intense. Up until after the shower, I had been able to cope with them by breathing or walking. After the shower, I needed some more counter-pressure, so Stephen would push on my hips while I pretended to hula hoop. 

In the car, I used my voice to make low tones, remembering that from last time, and tried my best to relax and allow my body to do what it needed to. I feel like I handled my contractions a lot better this time around than with Paige, mostly because I knew what to expect. I had a lot of little mantras I repeated to myself, like "my body is doing what it should" and "I am capable" and other positive affirmations. 

At the birthing center, I was trying to keep things lighthearted, but I was really afraid they would send me home. That mostly why I tried laboring at home as much as possible before calling my midwives. I knew less than a week ago, I was hardly dilated. I begged my midwife to reassure me that I was more dilated than that, and that my body was indeed making progress enough to consider this the real deal. When she told me I was at a seven, I gave Stephen a high five. It was such a relief to realize how much progress I had already made and know I was 3/4th of the way done. 

I got in the tub, knowing I wanted a water birth and remembering how much relief that brought me last time. Stephen sat next to me and held my hand, helping to repeat some of my mantras and encourage me that I was doing a good job. There was a moment of excitement when I looked at him and realized we were really having this baby now.

My midwife team consisted of Trinette, the lead midwife, and three student midwives whose names I can't remember. They helped me get situated in the tub, brought me water and juice, and set up the nixtrous oxide for me, which was my saving grace last time. I sure appreciated having it again, though I wasn't nearly as out of it like I was last time. I felt mentally present and aware, which I think was what had gotten me to that point in the first place.

One of the midwives sat above my head and put a cool cloth on my forehead and spoke me through each contraction like it was a meditation, reminding me to relax different parts of my body to help me focus. I also asked Stephen to play Geronimo by Sheppard on repeat, and that helped me to track the passing of time. The last coping mechanism I had was the jets in the tub, which helped the water to stir, giving me a lot of relief. 

The urge to push sneaked up on me. Halfway through a contraction, I felt the desire to push and tried a bit, but not enough that I consider it a full push. I wanted someone to come check to make sure I was fully dilated. The next contraction, the urge was much stronger, and I couldn't hold still through it nearly like I could with the other contractions.

I think it was then that I gave a good grunting yell while I pushed, alerting everyone in the building it was time. The other midwives rushed to my side, slightly surprised at how quickly I was ready. The second time I gave a real push, I could tell he was close. One of the student midwives was checking me while that second contraction started and declared I was crowning. I reached down and felt the top of his head, which gave me enough courage to push through one more contraction, and out he came at 4:31.

They placed him on my chest and he began breathing. He never outright cried like they do on tv, but he was wiggling and grunting and breathing great from the get go. I was feeling slightly delirious at that point, but I was really grateful to be done. I still had to deliver the placenta and requested more laughing gas for that, mostly because I was scared, but that came just fine as well. Connor was in perfect position for birth and the cord was down low and not in the way at all. We did a delayed cord clamping to give him all the blood we could from it. He was very content and just snuggled up to me through it all. 

Once I felt able to stand, I moved across the hall to the bedroom and rested. They checked me and said I had torn a little internally, and that I had the option to either use stitches or just be careful for the next week. I opted for the second. I was feeling especially sore, more so than I remembered with Paige, but otherwise, I was fine. They gave us some food and let us rest for a bit. 

I did a lot of skin-to-skin with Connor while Stephen and I discussed his name. Connor had been the front runner as far as names were concerned for a while. I was hesitant to commit, but for months Stephen had been referring to him as Connor, which caused me to do the same. I began telling Paige that baby brother's name was Connor, even though I hadn't quite felt settled. With Paige, I had such a neat spiritual experience with her name, but never had the same sensation with Connor. As we laid in bed and looked at him though, other names we had considered just didn't seem right. We both felt good about Connor though, and decided to go with that. Bruce is Stephen's middle name, and the family tradition is to pass that on, so we had that chosen for a long time. 

Eventually, the midwives did their routine examinations for Connor while I ate some food with two hands. He didn't cry at all while they checked him out, but rather just looked around and grunted a bit. Oh, that's one thing I've noticed--he's loud. Not in a crying way, but rather just noisy. He'd be grunting or cooing almost constantly. Even in his sleep, each sigh out sounded like a cute little snore, which helped me know he was alive. He also kept blowing a lot of bubbles from his mouth due to clearing out his lungs still, and it was really cute.

He checked out in every area just fine. Ten toes and ten fingers. He measured 20 inches long. When they were going to weigh him, everyone gave their guesses, and I guessed on the dot at 8 pounds and 6 ounces. For still having another week and a half before his due date, his size was impressive, just like the ultrasound had said. I'm grateful I gave birth when I did as far as his size is concerned. Once he and I were both declared stable, we tried a bit of nursing. He latched pretty well at the first go and soon fell asleep at the breast. I laid him down and tried to get some rest myself. Stephen was able to sleep some more, but said he was feeling alright and would help however he was needed to. It was good to relax but I never feel asleep at the birthing center. 

Connor didn't sleep long before I held him some more. I tried latching him again, but he either wasn't getting it or not interested. I'm not too worried though, knowing that he had already latched earlier. Stephen held him for a while too as we just sat and enjoyed our new family addition. Eventually, I showered and got myself cleaned up and dressed. Stephen and I both ate some more (giving birth can make a person hungry) and Connor eventually fell back asleep in my arms. 

At this point, it was about 8:30, and we decided to not use our additional stay time and just head home. We were home by nine this morning. I was understandably tired and took a nap. Connor was also sleeping, and for a while, I tried having him in the room with me, but since he's such a noisy sleeper, I couldn't mentally relax enough, so Stephen moved him to his room upstairs. He's currently still asleep, recovering from the eventful night he had. I napped for a while and then got up to eat and figured I would write this story out while it was all still fresh in my head. 

One of my biggest take away from last night was how powerful I am. Birth can be a scary, daunting task, but it doesn't have to be. I was scared with Paige because I had no idea what my body was doing. I resisted the contractions and clenched up during them. I didn't want to push so I stalled. I panicked at the pain. 

This time, however, I felt much more mentally prepared because I knew what to expect from my body. I recognized my contractions as such and was able to roll with them rather than fight them. I could talk myself through each wave and had coping mechanisms I could rely on. I really felt empowered and brave. I was mentally present and used that to encourage my body forward. When it was time to push, I admittedly was scared, but at the same time, I knew what was on the other side of the tunnel, and I just wanted to get there as quick as I could. I knew I could do it, and so I did it. 

I rocked labor and delivery, if I do say so myself. I really was a champion through it all and did everything right. It was such a beautiful, empowering, and quick experience for which I'm grateful. I also know I couldn't have done it without great support from both sides of heaven. It was not painless, but I did it anyway, and I feel really proud of myself for that. All that being said, I don't judge anyone for the way they choose to give birth (or sometimes, don't choose but have to do anyway). However, I loved my experience of natural birth and truly felt it was a better experience for me without interventions. I'm so grateful for my amazing body and what it's capable of.

I also can't end this without a shout out to Stephen, Paige, and Connor. Stephen is my rock, and he handles situations so well. I know I can count on him to be level headed and do what needs to be done. I also am so grateful for the bond we share and the trust I have in him. There are plenty of parts about pregnancy, birth, and recovery that are straight up embarrassing, but he never holds them against me. He just loves me unconditionally, and I'm so blessed for that. 

Paige has also been very cooperative through my difficult pregnancy. She obviously wasn't a part of the birth much, but I'm excited to watch her meet Connor and for her to be a big sister. I know she'll do well. She's been excited for baby brother, though I'm not sure how much she comprehends what it all means. But I look forward to watching their bond grow.

I'm also super grateful Connor cooperated with this delivery. He came into this world with such ease. I'm glad he chose to come to us sooner rather than later, and that he positioned himself correctly. He worked with the contractions just as well as I did, and since he's been born, he's been so peaceful. I don't know all of his quirks or personality yet, but I know he's going to be a blessing to our family.

I am so blessed to have the family I have. I'm so humbled by the love that is around me, and I'm honored to love these special people for eternity. I'm grateful for my birthing experience with Connor, and I'm glad I can share my joy with you all. Thank you for the support and encouragement you've offered to me and my family. Ultimately, I'm grateful I have happy, healthy, eternal family.

The Explanation

I know I owe everyone an explanation for my vague Facebook post this week. I apologize if I scared you. The post simply said "polyhydramnios and (potential) fetal macrosomia," and I didn't expound on that. I've had several people ask me about it, so here's the rundown.

At my 30-week appointment, my midwife measured my fundal height (that's basically how big my belly is from top to bottom). I was 4 centimeters above what I ought to have been measuring. When I went in for my 32-week check up, they measured again, and I again was 4 centimeters larger than normal. This concerned my midwives enough to advise me to get an ultrasound done.

At 33 weeks, I went in for an ultrasound. Stephen was able to join me for this appointment, which I was grateful for so I wouldn't have to try and explain everything to him later. The technician was the same guy that had done both Paige and this child's 20 week ultrasound. He checked out all the measurements on baby and told us he was measuring as if he was 36 weeks along rather than 33. He also measured the amount of amniotic fluid I had--at the time, I thought it was within a normal range, but my midwives later clarified that it was indeed above normal. The ultrasound was able to check that baby's kidneys and bladder were functioning properly, and all together, his body seems healthy as far as technology can tell.

I had to wait a week to hear back from my midwives about the repercussions from the results. I worried they would say I was too high risk to use their birthing center, but they reassured me I could still continue in their care. However, because of the excess amniotic fluid, I was diagnosed with polyhydramnios (don't ask me to pronounce this out loud). Basically, the condition is I have extra fluid. That in itself is not a problem, but it leads to higher risks of other problems. For instance, baby has more room to move around and is more likely to be breach or in a bad position for birth (he's currently head-down, so cross your fingers he stays that way). There's also an increased risk for umbilical cord prolapse, where the cord comes out before baby during delivery.

Along with the excess fluid, my baby is measuring large for his gestational age. This in itself is also not necessarily a concern, but could cause problems during labor, such as getting stuck or prolonging labor. He was about six pounds at the 33 week check up, and considering babies gain about a half a pound a week, he could easily be nine pounds or more at birth. I myself was a nine-pound baby. My mom gave birth to several nine- and ten-pound children, so, genetically, it's not too surprising. Paige was an average 7lbs 9oz, but I also measured normal with her.

So, combining the fact that I have a large baby and extra fluid, my fundal measurement is already that of a full-term 40-week mom, even though today I'm only 35 weeks. There's nothing inherently wrong with either condition, but it does raise concerns for complications during labor and delivery. Because I'm with my birthing center and midwives, and because I hope to have an unmedicated birth, I have to weigh my options. Will I need a c-section? Not necessarily. Should I? That's a different question only God can answer, and I'm asking him. I currently feel like proceeding with my plan is safe, but I can't say for sure I feel peace about it due to pregnancy hormones that like to enlarge the "what if"s of life. But regardless, I hope for support from you on whatever decision I make.

My midwife recommended I consider natural induction measures around 39 weeks to hopefully reduce some of the risks. I wouldn't use pitocin, but rather try things like evening primrose oil, caster oil, membrane stripping, a foley balloon, and other nudging practices for my body to go into labor. They won't break my water to start labor because of the polyhydramnios, and they would do stress tests before trying anything to be safe. I don't know for sure what I will do as far as induction, but luckily, I still have a few weeks to think and pray about it.

Does all of this make sense? Are you following? I know it's a little medically heavy, and unfortunately, I'm not the best at relaying medical information. I'm doing alright, but emotionally, this has definitely shaken me a bit. I'm confident a large factor is hormones, and I'm able to recognize that when my logical side is confounded. Still, it's never fun to think about any complications for me or baby. My midwives reassured me that all the potential issues are only potential--they wanted me to be informed and aware so that, if something does happen, I'm not caught off guard. But, there is still a great possibility that I'll have completely normal and healthy pregnancy, labor, delivery, and baby. We may be worrying over nothing, but it's better to be prepared for alternate outcomes than ignorant.

To add one more note, there's no indication as to why I'm dealing with polyhydramnios. I don't have gestational diabetes, and it's definitely not a factor like twins. It kind of just happened--there's nothing I did and there's nothing I can really do to fix it. Same with having a large baby. It's just the luck of the draw I guess.

Beyond all of this, my pregnancy hasn't been easy, as anyone following along can gather. However, for some really happy news, I went six days without vomiting! I can hardly believe it. I don't know what was different enough to keep my stomach settled, so unfortunately, I can't replicate it on demand, but it gave me hope. I know also I only have about a month left, which some days seems doable, and other days seems to be a cruel joke of enduring for yet another month.

My body has also become increasingly sore. Considering I'm the size of a full-term mom, it's understandable to be sore, but thinking of another month of growth makes me cringe. My hips are very unsteady since all the muscles are relaxing for birth. I think they're relaxing a little too much though, because I've had days where it is painful to stand or walk, and oddly enough, life likes to request that I do those things. It also is extremely painful to roll over in bed because of my hips and legs. I now own the full pregnancy waddle in all it's grace and glory. I'm sure I'm a sight, but you know what--Stephen loves me, so who else do I need to impress?

Oh, Stephen. He has been such a champion in all of this. As my abilities have declined, he has stepped up to the plate. He's been really busy with work lately, and then comes home and has to be really busy here too, but he does it all so lovingly. I seriously don't know how I got such a catch. And guess what? He's super cute, too! Score! Paige has been pretty good most days. She will still throw the occasional tantrum, but for the most part, I've lowered my expectations of what she and I can accomplish in a day, and that's taken a lot of stress away. I know she gets bored though, and I wish I felt better enough to play with her like she would like me to, but we find other ways bonding, and she's patient with me.

Life is still continuing, despite any medical conditions I have. We started the month off with Paige having a bout of sickness that I'm 95% confident was Roseola. She had all the symptoms and followed the timeline pretty accurately. She made a full recovery pretty quick though, and has since been doing just fine.

We also watched General Conference this past month, which was great. Paige didn't love the idea of watching people speak and asked for her shows instead. It was difficult to keep her quiet and entertained enough to listen, but we managed. For the Sunday sessions, we invited all nearby siblings from both my side and Stephen's side to watch with us and play games together. It was fun and great to spend the day with them. Paige picked favorites for a while between her aunts and uncles, but by the end of the day, I think she warmed up to everyone. ("Gigis and Kennys" (Nicholas and Kenzie) are probably her current favorite, but she also sees them the most.)

We made a family trip up to Boise last week to support Stephen's brother Brandon in his choice to be baptized. We also got to meet Spencer, our new nephew. It gives me encouragement to see newborns and know I'm working towards that end goal. It was also comforting to see how much he slept. Paige never napped like that, but hopefully, this baby boy will sleep through any noise Paige creates, just like Spencer did with so much commotion.

For Easter, we celebrated with a few egg hunts that Paige absolutely loved. She was so excited to find the candy inside. She was particularly impressed with dying Easter eggs and the "color water" we used. She also was happy with her Easter basket this morning and kept saying "wow." Paige was not such a fan of the traditional egg roll, where two eggs compete by being rolled together and loser leaves cracked. She quickly realized her egg might break if she participated and promptly safeguarded her treasure, refusing to even watch Stephen and I play. She wouldn't use a different egg, and despite all of our encouragements and offerings, Paige clung to her egg and said no. It was pretty cute.

Well, I know think I've sufficiently shared more information than anyone really wanted to know. I hope this can clear up any questions people had about baby and me. It's hard to give information when I don't fully understand it myself, and it's even harder to tell people what I'm doing about it when I lack those answers myself. We're going to proceed, and that's about all I know. It's pretty much the only option, seeing as turning around and going back isn't physically feasible. And we're going to trust God. That's also the best thing we can do at this point.

And I'm going to waddle, seeing as there's not much alternative there either.

March Mundaneness

We've officially gotten into a routine in our family, which means it must be time to change it up again. Baby boy is coming in roughly 8 weeks, and I'm sure that, once he does, life will be very different as we re-adjust. But for now, we're somewhat in a holding pattern. Not much is happening, and I consider that a good thing.

One thing has changed, though. Paige is now able to open doors. She used to only be able to open doors that she needed to push on, but recently, she figured out the pulling side of doors. This skill means she's now able to open her bedroom door. Unfortunately, this affects how well she sleeps now. We put her in bed and, within a minute, she's back outside her room. To solve this, we put a locking doorknob on her door with the lock facing outwards. I don't like that we have to lock her in her room to make her stay put, but it really is for the best of everyone--she actually sleeps and doesn't wander the house unsupervised. The few times we put her to bed before we installed the lock, she would get up during nap time and rearrange items in the house, like moving the upstairs plunger into my bedroom and taking the pancake mix from the pantry and bringing it to bed with her. Locking her door and then unlocking it once she's asleep has been the best solution so far.

Spring has arrived, and with that, Paige and I can explore more and play outdoors. She has been loving the parks I take her to, and I love that she can wear herself out while I watch from a bench. Being pregnant and keeping a toddler alive takes a lot of energy, so I love when she can play independently from me, but we can still have a good time. We've been exploring different parks both nearby in our neighborhood and around the valley. She definitely loves slides, and she's impressed me with her bravery as she plays on the equipment meant for "big kids". 

I've also been taking her to library programs for toddlers, and she absolutely loves them. She is a social butterfly and thrives on interactions with others. She loves the nursery rhymes and songs that they sing at the library, and she's finally at the point where she tries to sing along. She also has learned to share and likes to tell me she's sharing her toys when she's playing with other kids. I'm grateful for that. She's not very possessive of anything, so, if other kids take her stuff, she finds something else to do. 

Paige has been enjoying spending time with her Aunt McKenzie and Uncle Nicholas. They have babysat a few times for us this past month, and it's been super helpful to have them close enough to watch Paige. She loves playing with them, and often asks if they're coming over. Stephen and I have been able to go on dates thanks to their babysitting. We went to the new Provo temple for the first time and had a nice time there. We also were invited to a "Death by Chocolate" party hosted by our realtor. I enjoyed having an excuse to dress up a bit, and the chocolate fountains were delicious. Most of all, I'm glad Stephen and I can take some time before baby boy comes to have these outings since it will be much harder to do them in a few months. 

Stephen has been busy with work, but is doing well there. His company is growing beyond their office space, so he and some of his coworkers have been relocated to a nearby building for a while. Lucid is changing offices in the Fall, once their new building is completed. The new office is about a half mile from his current office, so it won't be a dramatic location change. Stephen's been working on several projects, mostly integrations, and he's been put in charge of important tasks. I don't fully understand it all, but Stephen does, and that's what matters.

As far as me, I've still been sick. It's not an all day nausea, but rather, it mostly hits me at night or in the morning. It's a few minutes of getting the food out of my stomach, and then I'm ok again. Though, if it's the morning, it's normally dry heaving until I can get some food in me. Being in the third trimester, I feel uncomfortable almost all the time. Baby is growing well, but he's also growing a lot. At times, I can feel my body stretching as he pushes on me. He moves a lot, especially when I'm trying to relax. I don't feel balanced or steady much anymore, and my back and hip is giving me pain, even though I see a chiropractor weekly.

So, fun story. With pregnancy, your blood gets checked a lot. With Paige, I had my blood type tested and it came back A+. With this pregnancy, my blood test said I was O-. Blood types don't change, however, meaning we had a problem. With pregnancy, being O- requires an additional shot because of reasons (google it if you want, I'm not super interested in explaining it). Anyway, they retested my blood and confirmed that I am O-. No one knows what happened with the first pregnancy, but luckily, I was not affected by missing the extra shot from last time, so no harm was done. But from now on, I get extra shots, which is so (not) fun. 

Anyway, this post is lacking in actual events, but rather is a snapshot of our life. It's one of those "no news is good news" times where our day to day life is boring but pleasant. It's nice to not be dealing with a lot of drama or stress. I know this period in our lives is only temporary before we add an additional child to the mix, so we'll soak it in while we can and look forward to new adventures soon.

February Feelings

I have a two-year-old daughter. While I feel like I should say I can hardly believe it, part of me has felt like she has been two since Christmas. She's definitely mature and smart for her age, though she is still short as far as percentile goes. Paige is so full of life, and I love watching her do things. She is so funny and fun and just straight up adorable. She sings and dances to music, she plays pretend with her toys (Stephen has officially had his first tea party with Paige), she loves being a helper and doing chores and cooking with mommy, and she is a chatterbox and wants to learn new words all the time. She knows all her letters and numbers, but only has about half of the colors down (everything is either blue, green, or purple). She says her own prayers now without much, if any, coaching from us. 

For Paige's birthday, I hosted a Frozen themed party. We invited a few of her nursery friends from the neighborhood to come play on a Saturday morning. I had fun decorating our basement with streamers, banners, and snowflakes. I served a few snacks that I tied into the theme, like Sven's Snacks for carrots, and the Fjords for blue jello. The kids played with "snowballs" made from crumpled paper, did a pin-the-nose-on-Olaf game, and danced with streamers to "Let It Go." We had cupcakes and Paige opened presents. Overall, it was a great party, and a special treat for Paige to have so many friends over at once.

Stephen and I also celebrated a nice Valentines Day. We've decided to try splitting the holidays so that one of us is in charge of V-day and one is in charge of our anniversary in August. I was the one that planed Valentines day this year. I kept things pretty simple though. We stayed home and had a nice dinner together as a family. I attempted to make steak, and it turned out pretty well. I also made a chocolate berry cobbler (delicious). Once Paige was in bed, Stephen and I rearranged our living room furniture to be able to play games on our TV and have the controllers reach. We played a game Stephen likes called Overcooked.

Stephen indulged me for Valentines day by joining me in facials. We made a promise not to take pictures, and the charcoal seaweed junk we had all over our faces really didn't make us very photogenic anyway. It was a fun, relaxing night. I also surprised Stephen with a commissioned artwork of dragons which he really loved and was meaningful to him and me. He's not an easy person to shop for, so I was proud of coming up with the idea.

I'm still sick with this pregnancy for baby boy. I vomit most days. I haven't gone more than three days without vomiting since September. I also get strong heartburn and indigestion, and the symptom known as "round ligament pain" is now a part of my existence constantly. Also, I'm practicing getting up several times at night, but right now, it's just to go to the bathroom.

I don't know why my body really struggles with being pregnant, but I get a lot of the really bad side effects that are unfortunately normal. Whoever is in charge of this whole Women's Rights things really ought to focus on getting medical help for pregnant ladies, because there's so little done to treat any discomforts. My midwives are sympathetic, but say that the cure is labor and delivery. Some days, I feel like we're going to have a small family due to the roughness of the nine months on my body. But I know it's temporary, and that the end blessing is eternal and very much worth it. It would just be nice to not vomit anymore. 

Stephen is doing well at work. He got a nice bonus for the end of the year that is just now coming into our bank account (most of it goes to paying for baby and paying off my student loan). He also talked with his supervisors and got a nice raise, which most of is going to saving for a second car. However, the need for another car has decreased since Stephen found out a neighbor on our street works in the office building next to Stephen's. He also has the same 8-4 schedule, so Stephen has been able to get rides with him. It's very nice for all of us. I get to have the car now most days, which allows Paige and me to get out of the house more. 

Lately, since the weather is still cold, I've been taking Paige to play places at McDonald's or Chick-fil-A. She absolutely loves it. She thinks she's one of the big kids and loves to go down the large slides all by herself. She plays well without much supervision, which is really nice, and I feel like she's much safer since she's indoors and contained. I also love that she can get some energy out without me being her only source of entertainment, because, let's be honest, I'm far more tired than she'll ever be.

Overall, life is pretty routine now, which is good. I'm both looking forward to the end of my pregnancy and enjoying the time I have left with Paige as my only child. We still haven't decided on a name for baby boy, but we do have a few more months left to think it out. I'm personally ready for Spring to come, but seeing as it snowed all day today and is predicted to do so again tomorrow, we'll have to settle for more Winter. Meanwhile, I'll continue to work on growing a human, and maybe one day, my body will actually look pregnant rather than just extra fat. And maybe one day, if I'm really lucky, I won't be sick anymore.

Happy Holidays

Oh hey there, blog. Nice to see you again. No, I haven't forgotten about you. I've just been putting off writing for way too long. Last time I wrote was November. We've had Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas, New Years, and three months of Paige growing up in the time between the last post. I could write full blog posts on each subject, but I don't want to, so I won't. I will, however, devote a paragraph to each.

Thanksgiving was fun this year because I hosted my family at my house. I wasn't very nervous because I had made every component at some point before, so I knew what I was doing, though the stressful part was planning the correct amount and figuring out the timing of everything to have so many dishes ready to go at once. I was grateful for the help my family gave, and it was a delicious dinner. We had a fun weekend playing games and spending time together. Paige enjoyed having so many aunts and uncles to play with, and I was grateful to not be her only source of entertainment. It was nice not needing to travel, and I'm grateful I have a house large enough to host my family.

Stephen spoiled me for my birthday. He was very thoughtful beforehand to come up with gifts I would appreciate and honestly kept most of them a surprise from me. We went out to eat at Red Robin for our first time, and then he took me to see Moana. It is such a cute movie, by the way. It was fun to look at where I am in life now that I'm 25 (is that how old I really am?). I feel like I've achieved way more than I thought I would by this point, but I'm super grateful for how my life is now for the most part.

Christmas break was spent in Idaho with Stephen's family. We had almost two weeks with them, which was great for celebrating so many things, including Christmas, New Years, and a wedding for my brother-in-law Nicholas and my new sister-in-law McKenzie. It was very snowy the whole time we were there, and it turned out to be the most snow for Boise ever recorded. But white Christmases are pretty, so it all works out. Paige loved spending time with family and would play for hours with Elise, her cousin, and Jacob, her 4-year-old uncle. Again, I loved her having playmates and new-to-her toys to play with.

Paige enjoyed Christmas this year much more enthusiastically than last year. She caught on quick to the idea of unwrapping presents, and she was excited about a lot of her gifts. She got a baby doll from Santa, doll accessories (stroller, car seat, high chair, and crib) from Grandma and Grandpa Hutchins, Frozen themed cups from Grandma and Grandpa Rollins (she's obsessed with Frozen), and a small indoor slide from Stephen and me. She got some other small gifts too, but those were her big ones. She has loved all of them since she got them, and we felt like it was a success. Stephen and I also got some nice gifts from each other and from family, and we are very appreciative of them.

A few days after Christmas, Nicholas and McKenzie got married. Their Boise Temple sealing was beautiful and reminded me of the day I married Stephen (best day ever). It was fun for our family to dress in the wedding colors of navy and silver, though I stressed too much finding a navy dress for Paige. I found a perfect one for her though, so it payed off, and she looked really cute. Their reception that evening was beautiful, and it was nice that we took a lot of pictures indoors due to the weather. I'm so happy for Nicholas to find a great girl, and McKenzie already felt like a sister to me, even before they were married.

New Years Eve was fun with the Rollins family. Paige and Elise were cute as they dressed up in party gear at 7:30 and celebrated hours before midnight. She didn't know the difference, and still got all the sleep she needed, so I felt like it was a win-win. When it was actually midnight, Stephen kissed me, marking another year of him making my dreams come true. We drank some sparkling cider too, but my stomach didn't like that, and almost immediately rejected it. Oh well. Though the best part of the new year is probably switching from 9:00 church to 11:00 church.

After we returned home from our vacation, Paige and I got sick. It's hard to be a mom to a sick toddler who doesn't understand what's happening and why she feels the way she does. It's also hard to be sick as a mom trying to take care of a sick child. It is even worse being pregnant and sick and taking care of a sick child. It wasn't the best week in our home. Paige threw some really bad tantrums (banging her head on the wall and floor, thrashing, scratching Stephen and me, and crying/screaming uncontrollably). I was worried it was the beginning of the terrible twos, but as she got healthy, her tantrums went away, so that was a blessing. We did a lot of gentle home remedies to overcome our sicknesses, but they finally went away, and we both are just fine now.

My pregnancy with baby number two has gone by both fast and slow. We found out just before Christmas that we're having a boy! We shared the news with everyone Christmas Eve, so that was fun. I'm intimidated by the idea of having and raising a son, but I'm sure things will be fine. It's probably be just like having Paige, but with less bows, ruffles, lace, and pink, right? Stephen and I are not sure on a name. We've gone back and forth on a lot of them, but hopefully will have the perfect one chosen by the time we leave the birth center.

I've been considerably more sick this pregnancy. I am currently 25 weeks along and still haven't gone more than three days without vomiting. It's pretty much a daily occurrence. I've become so use to it, I'm not phased anymore, which is both a good and bad thing. I have strong heartburn often, and my body aches as it stretches. I definitely feel him moving a lot, and the other day, Stephen felt and saw my stomach move for the first time, though I've been feeling him for months now. Paige doesn't have much concept for a baby being in mommy's tummy, but I feel like she'll adjust alright.

Paige is growing up so much. She communicates a lot better and has become a chatterbox. She likes to repeat words until I say them back to her. She also repeats me now, but luckily, I don't have any really bad habits in my language for her to copy. She is really cute most of the time. She has this little prancing walk she does when she's happy and it's adorable. She absolutely loves watching Frozen, and I'm pretty sure her best friends are Elsa and Anna. We transitioned her to a toddler bed a few weeks ago, and it's been better than I expected, though she doesn't nap nearly as well as she use to. But baby brother is going to need her crib soon enough. She is showing interest in the potty, though I'm intimidated to cross that bridge and attempt to potty train her. We'll see when that happens. She very smart and social for her age and loves going to nursery and playing with kids of all ages. Her birthday is in a week, though it feels like we've had a two-year-old for a while now with all of her advanced skills.

I can't promise I'll be better at writing blog posts, but I'll try not to get so behind again. A lot has happened in our lives, though our day-to-day routine is pretty simple. We have our ups and downs like everyone, but overall, we're doing really well!

When October Goes

Our family had a pretty good October. There were some ups and downs, but overall, we're doing well. Stephen spent a few days at the beginning of the month in California for a work trip. It was hard to be a single parent without him, but Paige and I survived. Stephen had a great time during his trip, and even took an opportunity to do some karaoke. He brought home a lot of swag from other companies, but the best gift he gave was taking a day off of work to help me clean the house and overall recover from his absence.

This month, Stephen and I got haircuts. Stephen needs his hair cut every four to six weeks to keep it looking good, but I can get away with much longer before I need a cut. In fact, it had been over two years since I had a professional haircut (I occasionally trim it myself to get rid of split ends).  It was so refreshing to feel like my hair had a style again. I don't know at what point Paige will need a haircut. So far, it's growing really nicely and staying out of her eyes for the most part. I can put her hair in a ponytail and pigtails, and there might be enough for a small braid, but she won't sit still long enough for me to get in a good try. 

Stephen and I both got callings in our new ward. I am a visiting teaching supervisor, and Stephen is a gospel doctrine teacher. As stressful as his calling may be, he does a great job teaching, and has even had to fill in for another teacher and give a lesson on the fly when no one showed up to teach. Stephen has also been filling in for other callings. Word got out that he can play the organ, and now he substitutes when the official organist is out of town. Everyone was impressed at how talented he was, especially considering his age. He has also covered for the primary pianist. My husband is very musically inclined, whereas my instrument of choice is the radio. It's good that he can bless others with his talents.

As anyone over the age of 18 in America is painfully aware, voting season is upon us. I wanted to be an informed and involved voter, so I spent time watching debates between candidates. While there is obviously much to say about the presidential candidates, I focused a lot on local races. One night, we went to a "meet the candidates" night at a local school. Both Stephen and I found that to be very helpful. It was great to talk one-on-one with someone about issues, and then cross the room at talk with their opponents about the same issues. I ignored party lines and tried to get to the real stances people had. While I know I don't know every issue or every candidate well, I had a lot more confidence voting this year than I have in the past (at least in some of the races).

I can't cover October without covering Halloween. Last year, we dressed Paige as the tooth fairy while Stephen and I were dentists. This year, we continued the family costume theme, but this time, we went with Pokemon. I got a pikachu costume for Paige from China that turned out to be really cute and super easy. I decided that Stephen and I should be Ash and Misty, and I went a little more diy on our costumes. I did some thrift shopping and rummaged in our closet. I sewed Stephen's jacket, which turned out to be a fun project with low stress (it's only a costume, anyway). I'm really proud how everything came together.

Our family had fun carving pumpkins. We had gone to a local farm a few weeks ago, and there, Paige became excited about pumpkins, though we waited until closer to the holiday to actually buy some. I was hoping Paige would like playing with the pumpkin innards, but she wanted nothing to do with them. She became really disinterested when we told her she couldn't eat the raw pumpkin seeds. However, she was a good sport and let mommy and daddy carve an outline of her hand into her little pumpkin. Stephen carved a spider and I went with a classic jack-o-lantern face. We watched "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" as per tradition, and listened to the only two Halloween songs in existence (Monster Mash and Thriller). 

We had a great time trick-or-treating. Paige caught on really quick and was happy to grab candy and put it in her pumpkin bag. She totted to each house insisting that she carry her candy, even when it got quite heavy. If people held out the bowl of candy long enough, Paige would grab a second or even third handful. She seemed to have a knack to grab candy she wouldn't like, like red hots, so we had to help her trade sometimes (especially when there were good stuff she would want to share with her parents). She was really cute and had a lot of fun. I really enjoyed watching her participate now that she's old enough to understand somewhat what is happening. 

With all the fun happenings this month, we've also struggled a bit. I don't want to go into too many details, but I've been having some health challenges lately. I was suffering for a while before I finally got the medical attention I needed, and after 2.5 liters of fluids pumped into my body with an IV, I felt much better. I started some new medication, and while that definitely helps, one of the side effects is drowsiness, and boy, am I tired! I basically have to nap every day when Paige does. I'm feeling much better overall, and while I'm not healed, there is hope. We are excited for the holiday season. Spending time with family and watching Paige enjoy the celebrations will be worth all the effort. 

Weddings, birthdays, and funerals

If you haven't heard already, the past few weeks in our family’s lives have been kind of crazy. We've had a lot of ups and a lot of downs that are all just part of mortality. We've been able to celebrate with those who are celebrating, and we've mourn with those who are mourning.

To start off, at the beginning of September, I received news that my grandma was in surgery. There were some complications, but for a while things looked hopeful. However, her health took a turn for the worse. It was over the 3-day Labor Day weekend that I heard my grandma may not make it. After talking with Stephen, we decided that Paige and I should go to St. George to be with my mom and my grandma.

Stephen would have come as well, but he was scheduled to fly to California for a work conference that week. It actually turned out nice so that I was able to have help with Paige while Stephen was out of town. I drove down that Monday evening and visited my grandma in the hospital. She was heavily medicated, and, in order to control her pain, sedated as well.

The next day, many of my grandma's children gathered at the hospital. They had a family council to decide what should be done with my grandma. The road to recovery would have been long and difficult, if it was possible at all. There was also the questioning of her quality of life if she did recover. After much prayer and consideration, my grandma's children decided to honor her wishes to not be kept alive with machines and rather to allow her to join my grandpa in heaven. My grandpa had died two years ago to the day.

My grandma's passing was very peaceful and spiritual. I personally felt the confirmation that this would have been what she wanted. In fact, a few days before I knew things were going bad, I had a dream where I saw my grandpa. Only I could see him and I asked him what he was doing. He told me with a smile on his face he was just waiting for my grandma. Basically, he was waiting for whenever she was ready. The look he had on his face was very loving and tender towards my grandma. It was a very special dream of comfort to me. I have no doubt that they are together again.

That next weekend, I came back home to Salt Lake City for Stephen's cousin's wedding. Stephen's family was able to come and stay with us for a night and attend the wedding with us the next day. It was great to show them our new house since they hadn't seen it yet. The wedding was all so beautiful. They are one of those couples that make you feel like they were meant to be together all along. It was a nice day to spend with family.

A few days later, my dad came to stay with us while he had cataract surgery on one of his eyes. The surgery had been scheduled for a while and he was excited to have it done. Everything went well with the surgery, and Tuesday morning came with zero complications. My dad was supposed to go into the eye doctor for a follow-up check, and then drive home to St. George. I had been invited to go hang out with some friends that morning. I had to leave about a half hour before my dad would have needed to leave, so I asked him to lock up and drove to be with my friends. About a half-hour later, I received a phone call from my neighbor saying that my dad was having a stroke. Understandably, I was quite in shock. I left Paige with my friends and drove to the hospital to be with my dad.

My dad then explain to me what had happened. He had carried his suitcase upstairs and was lifting it to put it on the couch to add a few more items to it. He said he then felt very dizzy and nauseous. He laid on the ground, hoping it would help him feel better, but it didn't. He tried calling someone for help but his phone wasn't working properly. My dad then crawled a few feet to my front door and laid on my porch, calling for help. A few of my neighbors heard him and were able to call the ambulance for him. My dad was numb on the right side of his body. Later in the hospital, it was determined that he also could not swallow. His speech was very labored and slow.

I called my family to update them on what had happened. Once the doctor told me to tell my mom to come, she gathered the kids from school and drove up to Salt Lake. My dad was transferred to the Murray Hospital where he stayed a few days. So many people were concerned for him, it was hard to keep everybody updated, especially when there was either no news or only negative news to share. Everyone had good intentions, but I felt like the only answer I could give to everyone was "I don't know."

Even though my dad was in the hospital, my grandmother's funeral was scheduled for that weekend.  We had to leave my dad behind in the good care of his doctors to travel to Arizona for the funeral. It was nice to have Stephen travel with me this time. We stopped in St. George the first night in order to break up the driving. We then continued on to my grandparents’ home town of Page, Arizona the next day for what presumably would be my last time visiting there. Well, it was obviously a sad time together, but it was really nice to be with so much family. There were many relatives there that I had not seen in years. My grandmother's funeral was beautiful and I felt comfort and peace. She was 82 years old when she died. She had nine kids, 37 grandkids, and 37 great-grandkids. She lived a full life and was loved much and gave much. Honestly, I feel like since everyone has to die sometime, this is the ideal way to go, surrounded by family and love.

Being at my grandma's house without her there was different, but there was also so much family that it felt like home still. While going through some of her things, we found a stack of love letters that my grandpa had written to my grandma while they were dating. They were sappy and full of longing during their long-distance relationship.

For those that don't know. My grandparents eloped when my grandma was 16. They had told her parents they were going to visit the Grand Canyon. Instead they drove to Vegas. There, they wanted my grandma to prove that she was 18, but since she wasn't old enough, she couldn't prove anything. So they drove to Pioche, Nevada. There, the wedding chapel decided that, if she looked old enough to get married, she was old enough. After their elopement and a night in Parowan, my grandpa took my grandma back home and they both said they had a lovely time at the Grand Canyon! After a few weeks, my grandma admitted to her parents that they actually got married and wrote my grandpa asking him to come get her. My grandpa nervously talked with my grandma's dad, and after a bit of disappointment from my great-grandpa for the secrets, he said he approved and told Grandpa to take care of my grandma. In their record of this story, my grandma said he had more than fulfilled that promise.

Because there was so much extended family visiting, we were not able to stay at my grandma's house. Instead, a kind neighbor of my grandma's offered up her home. We were amazed that the accommodations. They were several bedrooms and two kitchens. However, the biggest surprise was probably the indoor ball pit built into the wall. Paige was initially nervous to play in there, but she warmed up to it and had fun. The neighbors also gave us snacks and fed us dinner and breakfast. We are very grateful for their generosity.

The Sunday after the funeral, we all drove back home to St.George. We then got ready and went to the temple for some photos. To backtrack, my sister Susan got married this summer. we have been waiting on the photographer for the photos for several months. She finally reached out to us and told us that the photos were lost. She was able to recover the photos from the reception, but all of the photos taken at the temple were no longer available. It was very heartbreaking to hear. To try to make this up, we had a redo wedding photo session this weekend. We all dressed up as if it were the wedding day and took photos. While this obviously cannot replace the actual events with all of the wedding party, it is at least some little consolation. Once we were done with the photos, Stephen, Paige, and I drove back home.

After all of this craziness, it was nice to celebrate Stephen's 26th birthday today. I surprised him at work with a balloon and some cupcakes. Page and I also put his name on the wall with crepe paper as per our tradition. I made him sausage casserole, a dish his mom makes, and well I got a stamp of approval, he did admit that it wasn't quite like how his mom makes it. He told me he was willing to let me practice making it anytime I want. I gave him some presents and let him play games with his friends online for the evening.

I'm sure this blog post is missing several details that would be worth noting. The past few weeks have been so busy and crazy, it is hard to remember everything. However, I think my family and I will be stronger for all of this. Page has been resilient through all the turmoil and changes. She is really cute. I wish I could capture every adorable things she does and share it with the world. I could mention her expanded ability to talk and her creative ways of playing with toys. I wish I was able to remember every little detail of her and capture it in time for ever. She is growing up. I love each stage of her life as it comes. It's been quite an experience to see so many phases of life within a few weeks. Childhood, weddings, sickness, and death. You can also add beginnings of life into this mix, because a close person to us told us they were expecting recently. I'm not sure how public they are making the news, so I won't give details. Mortality is an interesting process we all go through. I thought being an adult was something I achieved by getting married, having a child, and buying a house. However, I now realize that being an adult means dealing with adult problems that don't always have an easy answer or solution. However, through it all, I am comforted by the gospel and by my Savior. I am grateful to know that families are forever, and I am grateful that I have the family that I do.

Summer Adventures

There is so much to cover because I haven't written in a few months. My excuse is that I was too busy living life to record it (or I procrastinated, but I like the first reason better). There are four major things I want to cover: Susan's wedding, Nicholas coming home, buying and moving into our first house, and how adorable Paige is. Each of those topics deserve a post on their own, so forgive me for cutting out details. 

Wedding: My sister got married! Susan is child number four in our family, but the only other married sibling I have. She married Joe Harris in June. It was a beautiful wedding. I had been helping for months before, so it kind of felt like showtime on their wedding day to make sure all of our plans came together. They were sealed in the morning in a beautiful ceremony at the St. George temple. I loved seeing how excited they were and how much they loved each other--it brought back memories from my wedding day and how eager I was to be married to Stephen (best decision ever). 

We took pictures afterwards and went to the luncheon. That was put on by Joe's family and they did such a great job that we borrowed some of their decor for later that evening. After lunch, it was a race to make sure all the last minute details came together. I decided to print off slips of jobs that needed to be done during setup of the reception since I knew we only had an hour to decorate. I'm so glad I made the job assignments because then it was really easy to give the needed information to the many kind helpers who showed up early to set up. We finished with 10 minutes to spare, which is pretty great. 

The reception was everything we had planned for it to be, and Susan and Joe were a lovely bride and groom. After the sendoff, cleanup happened pretty quickly, too. I'm so grateful for all the help that day. It was a wonderful day with family, and I'm grateful for weddings that bring people together. Joe and Susan are great together, and it was nice to celebrate their marriage that day. 

Homecoming: Stephen's brother, Nicholas (also child number four in their family), came home this summer from his LDS mission in France. I went to the Salt Lake Airport to see him during his layover for a bit with some other family members. It was his first time meeting Paige too, since he left while I was pregnant two years ago. The next day, Stephen, Paige, and I drove up to Boise to spend a week with the Rollins family. 

Nicholas gave a great homecoming talk on Sunday. It was fun to see how much he has grown and how much he is still the same. The main differences include his bilingual abilities and his hair. Since it was the first time in two years all of Stephen's siblings were together, we spent the next week having a stay-cation in Boise (though for us, it was an actual vacation) for our Rollins Reunion. We swam at a lake, went hiking to a waterfall, played in a park, watched Finding Dory, went golfing, and played a lot of games. We were really grateful to spend so much time with family.

House: We bought a house! Crazy, right? We are young for homeowners (I'm 24 and Stephen is 25), but we were ready to start building equity. The process was crazy to find a house as the market is really hot right now, but the moment I saw the listing for this house, I knew I wanted it. I was ready to put an offer in without walking it, though we did wait until the next morning after we walked through it to make a strong offer. After some back and forth, they accepted our offer. That whole process took from Friday night to Monday night. 

The next month was a long process of paperwork and waiting. Stephen handled most of it, which I am so so grateful for. Our agent was great and our lender was very helpful. I would highly recommend both of them. We finally closed on the house a week and a half ago and moved in last weekend. Guys, this is such a great home for our family. Five bedrooms, four bathrooms, completely finished basement, granite counter tops in a large kitchen, huge master bathroom with a separate shower and soaking tub--the list goes on.

It's located in Daybreak, which is a community in South Jordan, UT. We are right by the elementary school, really close to a pool and the lake, as well as several parks within a few blocks of us. I can't imagine a better location. There is also shopping close by with any store I could want. We share a grassy area known as the courtyard with several other houses, so Paige will have a great play space as she grows to share with her neighbors (and we won't have to mow it). We also have great neighbors who have been helpful and friendly. I look forward to getting to know them more and making strong friendships since we plan on being here for a while. 

Paige: I have a full-blown toddler. Paige is vivacious. She has been really resilient with all the action and changing going on around her. She is very vocal now, and while her language isn't quite English, I can understand her pretty well. She says "yeah" consistently, and most of the time, she even means it. She loves dogs ("dawdaw"), ducks ("dawdaw"), and daddy ("dawdaw"). She gets excited for dinner time ("ninneh") and knows we need to pray before we eat. Lately, when I haven't given her the food quickly enough, she will fold her arms, babble, and then say amen ("ma") and blow a kiss all on her own, thinking this will bring her food quicker (Stephen and I try to kiss after we pray, so she consequently thinks all prayers end with a kiss).

Paige has come to like water. She enjoyed swimming during our Boise trip, and has since settled down during bath time. She even enjoys it now, which was not the case a few months ago. She loves to read and brings me books--we've read through all the ones we own so much I can basically quote most of them without looking. Paige loves being a helper. She adores the praise we give her when she does things to help us. She learned how to throw away her own diapers, which is great, but now thinks it's "helping" to put anything into the trashcan, which has led to some digging adventures for us. She wants to help load and unload the dishwasher, mostly by hiding the silverware around the house. She will close doors for us and is all too excited to hand me toilet paper when I need it in the bathroom (yeah, I get an audience now--full blown toddler, remember?). 

Paige is learning how to do stairs in our new house. She's only had two tumbles, and both of those were in the first two days of living here. Since then, she has learned to go down stairs backwards, and while I still want to spot her, she's fully capable of going up and down on her own. She thinks she is one of the big kids, too. Anytime she gets to play with children older than her, she loves it. She's been doing great in nursery and is excited to play at the new parks we're taking her to. I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of anything else to mention. She's just my little buddy. 

As you can see, our Summer has had a lot of life-changing events. We are really excited for our new circumstances and for our setup. We are honestly in a good place. There have been difficulties, sure, but there have also been so many kind people helping us. I am so grateful for God and how He is watching over me and my family. We have truly been blessed.