Fact: Nothing is Impossible to God

I can't wait to tell you all this story. I'm not sure when this blog turned into a testimony journal, but God has been so good to Stephen and me, it's hard not to share in the joy of blessings and praise my Savior. I think most of you who read this blog are of my same faith. If not, and you would like to learn more, check out lds.org or ask me any questions. Either way, I hope none are offended when I share the mercies of God with you.

So, back up a few weeks ago (or just scroll down, because the post explaining everything is on this blog). Saturday night, Stephen and I started a fast, asking God to help us in our lives. Specifically,  we were asking that we would manage our time better and accomplish all that we needed to. The next morning, I woke up with spasms. When I realized later that my medical conditions might be connected to the fast, I wondered at my God. How could adding this stress to my life allow me to better handle the stress I was already feeling? With time, relaxation, a patient husband, and sleeping pills, I've gotten the convulsing under control. Some nights are better than others, but I feel like the trial, for the most part, has passed.

But it did take a toll on my lifestyle. Namely, I had to quit my custodial job (again, scroll down for feelings on this). Stephen and I had sat down at the beginning of the semester and financially planed and budgeted for the upcoming months. We would make it on both of our incomes, but just barely. Quitting my job put us under more and more each month. We had a general savings fund we were dipping into in order to make it, and had calculated we would need to exhaust most of our emergency savings in order to survive until the new year. At that point, we wouldn't have enough. We counseled with each other and the Lord a lot, and decide the best action was for Stephen to take a semester off to work full-time while I finished my degree. Stephen would then do classes during the summer in order to catch up again. It wasn't ideal, but it was our best option.

Knowing how tight money is, I have been doing all I can to spend as little as possible. Basically, all I could affect was the grocery budget. We were already living on a tight grocery budget, and trying to go under was causing me a lot of emotional grief. I wanted to make meals that were healthy and better than ramen, but the more I tried, the more I realized that we would have to give up a lot in order to be under budget--namely, meat and dairy. I've been creative, but it was still not making much of a difference.

This leads me to Saturday night. Stephen and I went grocery shopping. I went over budget in order to feed us for a week, and this was with planning on using as much ingredients that we already had as we could. I felt discouraged. Stephen and I were doing all that we could. We were being frugal, wise, and thoughtful. We read our scriptures every day and went to the temple every week and paid our tithing with each paycheck. Still, as I entered the receipt's information on our budget sheet, I stared at the numbers. I'm sure most, if not all of you can relate. Looking at the categories, we had already gone over in order to pay for my medical expenses. We still had almost two full weeks left of the month, and I had around $20 left for food. I was regretting buying the pumpkins we picked out in order to celebrate our first Halloween together.

I looked at the large, red number, telling me our expected balance for the end of the year. I felt so disheartened. I voiced my worries to Stephen, who held me but couldn't offer me much consolation beyond that. For moths, he's been repeating to me "it'll work" when it came to financial concerns. On Saturday, when he again assured me that "it'll work," I snapped back at him. "How?" I asked. "How will it work? You see the numbers as well as I do (if not better, because math was never my strong point). There's not much else we can do." And then I made the sinner's mistake to doubt my Heavenly Father. "It's not like God can give us more money. There's no way He can do that. It's not possible." Yes, I actually said that out loud, after the experience I had earlier that week (refer to most recent post). I'm amazed at how often I must be taught the same lesson of simple faith in Him.

Sunday, I had a hard morning, with the concerns weighing on my mind, but Stephen helped me turn the day around and find joy in my situation. We drove up the canyon a bit to look at the trees and made a quiche. We cleaned the apartment and my visiting teachers stopped by. I made cookies and read my scriptures. This morning, I woke up and went to class and overall had a really great day. Stephen commented several times how he was happy because I was happy today. We had fun in our marriage class together and walked home holding hands. Money was not on my mind when Stephen brought in the mail as I was making dinner and admiring our new microwave (It blew last Monday and has been a creative week to get by until maintenance replaced it). I got an envelope of family names to take the to temple from my cousin and Stephen got a letter from BYU. He opened it up, looked at it, and then showed it to me without saying a word. He was holding a check, displaying his refund. The thing is, neither of us knew this was coming. I asked him several times what that was, out of disbelief. "No way!" I exclaimed to him over and over. "No way! No way!"

He then checked his BYU account. FAFSA had come through for him. We thought he was just offered a discounted loan, to which we declined, not wanting to add to our debt more. We then read more. He was given a pell grant, half of which was dispersed to us in that check. I was shocked, stunned, and in denial. Stephen says I go through the stages of grief when I'm surprised. "It's not possible!" I mumbled to myself. This then reminded me of murmurings only a few days before. My God, who I was sure had given us all that he would or even could, had found a way to bless us more.

I marveled at Stephen, "all we are doing is keeping the commandments. And yet he blesses us with this?" I held up the check. My husband then turned to Mosiah 2:23-24 "And now, in the first place, he hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him. And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast?"

Still in shock, we pulled out our budget and added the new numbers together. Not only would we have enough to live off of while I can't work, Stephen could take classes next semester. I then had him calculate some math for me. We took my old wage and figured out how much I would have made had I worked 20 hours the whole semester. Our rough estimate was within a few dollars of the amount the check was for. This is when I shed a few tears and expressed my baffled gratitude. Even when I doubt and worry, my God still has compassion on my husband and me. He understands our needs and repeatedly goes beyond expectations to answer our prayers, voiced or silent.

Writing this out has helped me see that God has been answering the fast Stephen and I offered a month ago. Since I haven't been working, I've had the time I needed to keep up in my schoolwork and still get things done around the house. Stephen and I found a way to manage our time at the expense of our income, but God has taken care of that for us. My husband says every couple has their tithing/financial miracle story, and now we have ours. We did all we could. We followed His commandments and included Him in our decisions. And by implementing our doctrinal understanding of grace, God has answered our prayers, soothed my worries, and provided. Hosanna! Hallelujah!