This is likely the last blog post before Paige joins our family--unless I'm going to stay pregnant forever, which is kind of what it feels like right now. There's less than 2 weeks until her due date, but whether it is intuition or revelation or naivety, I feel like she's not going to come until after her due date. Part of me wants her to be born on the 12th, so that her birthday is 2-12 and mine is 12-2. She could also come on Valentine's day--we packed a special "my first Valentine's" outfit to take to the birth in case she does come that day. Though there's also a chance she'll not be able to wear that outfit if she comes later than that. I'll just have to pin the outfit to my shirt that day if she's not here.
Paige might surprise me and come before the 8th. She could come any day now and be just fine health-wise. People expect me to be at the point where I'm just done with the pregnancy and want this baby out, but I'm kind of sad that this stage is going to end. I like being pregnant. Sure, there have been a lot of rough points these past nine months, but there have been more special moments to outweigh that. I really love having this time with just me and her. I'm going to miss feeling her move in me. I'll miss how easy it is for me to take care of her right now--as long as I'm healthy, she is too. As soon as she's born, parenting is going to be much harder than now. But I have to remember that it's going to be much more fun, too. After all, this is what the pregnancy has been leading up to.
While I might mentally be content, my body is showing signs of wanting the end. I officially waddle everywhere I go. I try to describe how it feels to Stephen, but saying things like "I feel like my legs aren't connected to my hips" can't quite do it justice. I guess it's only something moms can relate to. I spend half my day in the bathroom it feels like because she's taking up all the room she can. She still kicks strongly, especially as I try to fall asleep. She's already a night owl, and she already wants me to stay up and play with her--I don't think that will change once she's born.
I'm really looking forward to labor with both terror and excitement. I want to say I'm confident in my ability to handle labor, but while I know my body is designed to do this, my mind still has to endure the experience. It's hard not knowing what to expect as far as how labor will be for me personally. I've read and watched a lot of stories, and for the most part, they give me comfort. I've been doing a lot of meditation and positive envisioning, as well as making plans for alternative scenarios. I found out last week I'm positive for Group B Strep, which means I need an IV during labor for antibiotics, and while that was not part of my ideal plan, I don't want things like that to ruin my experience. Also, I think the recovery process is just as daunting to me as the labor experience at this point. I'm going to write a post about my labor as soon as I'm up to it, so if you're really interested, keep your eye out for that post.
I like to think that while I've definitely been hormonal during this pregnancy, I've still been reasonable. This is probably true for the most part, but lately, my track record isn't looking so good. Two things recently have been newborn pictures and a car seat and stroller. It took a few conversations for me to convince Stephen to spend money on newborn pictures. (I may or may not have cried during those conversations, which is really not fair. Sorry, Sweetheart.) Ultimately, we're compromising by Stephen giving into me and me being happy, which isn't a fair compromise, but it's kind of hard to compromise on a yes/no thing.
I also am now in the market for a different car seat and stroller than the one I bought when I was newly pregnant. Yes, we already have a car seat and stroller, yet I want a different one, and my reasons are mostly aesthetic. Am I unreasonable? Probably. Is Stephen spoiling me? Probably. To be fair to myself, there are a lot of other wants that I've compromised on or let go. I've also done a really good job at saving money in a lot of areas as to justify spending more on other things. I do it out of love, so that makes it ok, right?
On a completely non-pregnancy related note, Stephen and I have been enjoying our new ward. We gave talks in church last Sunday about learning through adversity and received a lot of compliments. When people come up to me and say "good talk" or something basic like that, it makes me want someone to say "that was alright," or "you were adequate," or even "that could have been better." In other words, people are only going to say nice things. But when someone rushes up to the stand, gives me a big hug, and tells me my umbrella story was inspirational and made her want to serve others more, the compliment is more sincere. We had a few people tell us they took notes, and one asked for a copy of Stephen's talk.
We also got callings in our new ward. Stephen is a primary teacher for the 11-year-olds. There are two other teachers for that class that they'll rotate teaching the lesson for. Otherwise, he'll be there to help as needed. Stephen is great with kids of all ages, so this will be a good calling for him. I've been called as the assistant secretary in the Relief Society. Basically, I'll be responsible for the monthly newsletter, which is going to be a fun and easy calling for me, especially while I have a baby. I like formatting documents, and when most of the information is given to me and I just have to make it look good, it'll be good for me.
Our lives are good right now. I feel like a ticking time bomb with Paige coming anytime, and once she does, life will be completely different. Right now, I stay at home and clean or prepare for Paige, and Stephen works nine to five. If I need the car, I'll drop him off and pick him up for work. He works about ten minutes away from where we live, so that makes things easier. When he gets home, Stephen will help me with chores, or we play games and watch TV. Super productive, right? It's mostly us still enjoying not having many responsibilities. I've gotten into watching Family Feud and other game shows, which is a cue that I need a baby to keep me busy.
There are still boxes around the apartment that I want to unpack before baby comes. We've been building up stockpiles of food and increasing our food storage. The nursery is finally ready, which was a big to-do list item. I need to pack my labor bag, but I'm using that as an excuse for why she can't come yet, so that task just happens to not happen. I'm trying to enjoy the last few days of living like this. It'll be an adjustment for Stephen and me to have another person to consider rather than just ourselves and each other. Fortunately, it's an adjustment I've been looking forward to for a long time.
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