Pregnancy and Pumpkins

On Sunday, I was trying to do an Sunday-appropriate activity by watching Mormon Messages and quickly realized that wasn't the best idea for an emotional pregnant lady. There's a commercial on TV where the woman is pregnant and crying while watching a video on her tablet, and the husband comes and says "Honey, I would prefer you didn't watch these when you're pregnant." She then say, "but they're being so nice" in reference to the video of a cat and dog playing together. Stephen quotes that to me often. Sunday morning, he got out of the shower and saw me crying on the bed listening to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Pandora station. He asked what song it was that made me start crying, knowing instinctively what was wrong (or rather, that nothing was actually wrong). It was Mary's Lullaby. Totally got to me. He quoted the commercial and asked me if I purposely torture myself or if I had considered just turning off the song. I told him I wasn't torturing myself--I was indulging myself. I do that sometimes.

Pregnancy wise, I'm doing really well for the most part. I had my 24 week check up last Monday and confirmed I don't have gestational diabetes, so that's good. Paige was as wiggly as ever when they were trying to get her heartbeat. She's super active at random points throughout the day, but seems to be consistently active when the midwife checks her heartbeat and around 9:00 at night. In fact, she's being active now. I guess she wants me to tell you all hi from her. I try to talk to her often, and I feel like that helps both me and her. I want to send her all the positive vibes I can.

One down side with being pregnant--heartburn. The wives' tales say having heartburn means my baby will be born with hair. If that's true, I think Paige will be born with a lion's mane. Friday night I started having really bad heartburn that didn't go away like it most often does. Hours after eating some tums, it still was hurting, and getting worse. Around one in the morning, I asked Stephen to give me a blessing, which he did without hesitation. Unfortunately this didn't immediately bring relief. I was awake until five, trying to cope with the burning sensation. What finally allowed me to sleep was practicing some meditation from Hypnobirthing (I'm looking into using that for my labor). 

I got three hours of sleep before I woke up again, still hurting. I called my midwives who recommended some medicine and to eat bland food. The medicine helped a lot to stop the acid reflux, but, my chest and throat still felt like it had been scalded and damaged. My midwives called me Saturday afternoon to check on me and see if I was doing better. I thought that was very kind of them to do. Saturday night it had calmed down more, but it wasn't until I woke up Sunday morning that I finally felt like I was over that bout of heartburn. It was physically and emotionally taxing, but I am doing just fine now, so don't worry.

Saturday wasn't completely consumed by heartburn though. Stephen and I went to a ward activity at a farm. We had a hayride, shot rotten apples out of a homemade cannon, walked through a maze that went up to our shoulders, and took a cute picture in front of an old truck with some pumpkins. The point of the activity was to pick out a pumpkin, but the tightwad in me knew I could find them cheaper at the grocery store than at the field. It was still a lot of fun to go to the farm and spend time with Stephen. Ward activities in a married student ward are more like a big group date. We realized Stephen and I still need to work on the socializing with other couples thing. We might still be in the newlywed phase.

We went Saturday night to a grocery store and picked out some really good pumpkins. We carved them Sunday night. It was our first time carving pumpkins since we didn't get around to it last year. It is a lot of fun to do something festive with him, since we probably won't be dressing up this year. Really though, I'm more excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas and the time we'll have with family. I've been listening to Christmas music all year. Stephen would normally give me a hard time for listening to Christmas music before Thanksgiving, but when it's June and I'm listing to my Christmas Pandora station, he really can't say much.

After we carved pumpkins, Paige was wiggling a lot. I sat on the couch and Stephen and I watched my stomach. Suddenly, there was a big lurch as half of my waved to the left. We both checked that the other saw that, and I was so excited. We then tried having Stephen put his hand on me. He must have a calming touch, because anytime we've tried it before, Paige has stopped moving. But this time, after a few tries, she gave a nice solid kick to his palm. He looked at me and asked if that was me or not. I told him it was Paige and felt so excited and proud. I've been wanting Stephen to feel her for a while now to share this with him. It was a great family bonding moment with the three of us that made me excited for the rest of the night.

My mom and sister are coming to visit today. Deborah is moving up to Provo after coming home from her mission about a month ago. I'm excited to spend time with them, but especially my mom. I call home several times a week for one question or another, and I imagine the phone calls will only increase once I'm taking care of my baby. But having them come means I need to clean my house. At least it's not too bad today. Just the kitchen and bathroom. Stephen helped me with vacuuming and the laundry yesterday. I sure love having a husband who helps me with the chores. But the dishes need to be done, so I'll go do those now. 

Expect Pregnancy Tears. Always.

I'm surprised by how many comments I get from people asking about my blog or when I'm going to write something. My biggest fan is my husband, who is really good at reminding me to write. But I'm also grateful for the family and friends who read this and then share it with other family and friends. I would expect that more if my blog had tips or tutorials or other pinterest-worthy posts, but if you want to just read about my life and the little happenings of mortality, then that's great too. 

Let's go back in time a few weeks to Stephen's birthday! He's 24 now, which is pretty great. Stephen is a year and a few months older than me, but that means his birthday comes first in the year (My birthday is in December, so most people have their birthday before mine). I got him an umbrella, a tie, and some new headphones for his birthday. Well, his headphones he had chosen a few weeks earlier, but we still decided to count it in his list of presents, otherwise his list would be kind of lame. I made him breakfast in bed of some french toast and fresh strawberries. It was nice to eat it with him, as for most mornings, he's up and gone for school a few hours before I decide to get up out of bed myself (I blame pregnancy, because I still also nap in the middle of the day, and get tired first at night). His birthday landed on a Sunday this year, and it was the same day as the Ogden Temple re-dedication. This gave us time in the morning to be together and eat french toast and open presents. It was also conveniently raining that day, so his new umbrella got put to use right away, as well as his tie for the church meeting.

The temple dedications was so nice. I was worried about getting there earlier enough to get a good seat. I didn't want to get stuck in the back on a metal chair if I could help it. We arrived and noticed there were maybe ten other couples scattered through the chapel. We were only there 15 minuets before they would shut the doors. I was surprised, but Stephen said this was probably due to us attending the first session of the day--10:00 was too early for most, apparently. By the time the doors should have closed, the chapel was maybe half full, but they continued to let couples in right up until the program started. Only then did the meetinghouse seem full. Mormon-Standard-Time affects all at any age. 

The meeting itself was beautiful. I loved the inspired messages, and it helps to strengthen my testimony of the temple and the importance of the work. There was a talk about babies that made me cry. Really though, so many things can trigger my waterworks lately. Yesterday, it was a Cheerios commercial. A few days ago, it was a YouTube video of a couple with infertility treatment finding out they were pregnant. Stephen recommended I just avoid watching things about babies, and while that seems like the easy answer, I still do it. I also had a melt down last week about emergency preparedness and the world ending and what if the apocalypse happened while I went into labor oh my goodness. Rational fears, people.

After the meeting, we continued to celebrate Stephens birthday by not doing anything. I took my nap while Stephen enjoyed not doing homework. But that evening, I made him ramen taco salad. I had never heard of such a thing, but I got the recipe from his mom and went to work. Stephen had asked for the salad the day before while we were at the store, which reminds me of another story. So, side track, here we come!

Saturday morning, Stephen was working on homework while I was sitting in the living room with him. He then mentioned that french toast sounded good, and my contentment with any other food choice went out the window. Blame on pregnancy or on the fact that my husband can make really good suggestions, but I needed french toast, though I didn't have the ingredient for it. I debated within myself long enough, and then suggested to Stephen we go out to eat breakfast at a place that served endless french toast. He and I debated together for a while and then decided to go. We go to the restaurant, stood in line for a few minuets, and ordered only to be told it was too late in the day for the endless french toast. We were sad. I was on the verge of another crying meltdown. We debated in the car for another ten minutes and decided to go to the store and get what we needed for french toast. We got the bread and eggs, as well as the ramen taco salad ingredients, and went home and made french toast. It was a long, needless journey which could have been avoided had Stephen said pancakes sounded good. Regardless, we ate french toast, and there was much rejoicing.

Side track back to his birthday. Ramen taco salad for dinner, and grasshopper pie for dessert. We had phone calls from both sides of the family, and I took pictures of Stephen in front of his birthday sign. I came up with an excuse for him to go to the store Saturday afternoon during the football game and put his name on the wall while he was gone. However, he was quicker than I was, and he became suspicious when I locked him out and would only open the door a crack to talk to him while he stood at the doorstep with grocery bags in his arms. I never was good at surprises. He thought it was cute, right, Honey?

Stephen birthday was also my 20 week mark for my pregnancy, making me officially half way done, except the way they count weeks is kind of ridiculous and my due date is an arbitrary number that the baby doesn't respect. But, it did put me at the right point to find out the gender of our baby. I had scheduled the appointment for a time when Stephen could be there too, and we went the Monday after his birthday. I was a nervous wreck that morning. It's comical how scattered and stressed I can be, flying around the house, talking out loud to no one in particular, while Stephen calmly waits for me and then walks out the door with me, listening patiently to my rambles, opening doors for my distracted self, and drives off. I'm so grateful for his stability. I was chugging water, needing to have 36 ounces a half hour before the appointment. I used the restroom three times within minutes after the ultrasound just to get rid of everything.

We arrived at the birthing center and went into a different room than I had been in before. The ultrasound guy was ready for us, and soon enough, he was rubbing a cool wand on my belly. It didn't take long for the profile to appear. I was holding Stephen's hand through it all, and we squeezed each other's palm, excited. The baby's hand quickly raised to it's face and began sucking it's thumb. The technician snapped a photo, and it has become my favorite picture of my baby so far. He checked to make sure baby was developing normal and that the growth was on track. Finally, he went to the legs, and poked and prodded my belly enough to wake baby up and get baby to open their legs. The baby woke up, and got a good shot of the gender, then typed on the screen "g.i.r.l.". My first reaction was to declare "I knew it!" This made the technician and Stephen laugh, and then the reality sunk in. A girl. Not only am I having a baby, I'm having a daughter. Dresses and ruffles and pink and bows and barbie dolls and prom dresses and wedding and oh no she's growing up too fast. I was excited and giddy more than emotional (just keeping you all on your toes--you can't predict what will or wont make me cry). 

We went to the normal appointment and check up and the whole time, I was just focused on the fact that she was a girl. I'm sure my midwife said some great things, though. We left and in the car, I called my mom first. I had been getting texts through my appointment from both parents, but called my mom during her lunch break. She was very excited, as was my dad when I called him only a minute later. We picked up a few things from the store and called Stephen's mom and dad on our way home, letting them know they were getting another granddaughter. We got some Panda Express on our way home to celebrate, and I sent emails out to my sisters on their missions (and forgot to send it to Nicholas, my brother-in-law. Oops. Someone else told him though, so we're good.). Back at home, I began working on the announcement, as well as getting ready for a gender reveal party for some friends and family in the area. I made cupcakes with pink frosting on the inside. It was a fun way to tell my friends. After the party, I put a picture online on Facebook to let everyone else know Paige Elizabeth Rollins will be joining our family soon.

People have asked me why we chose the name. For Paige, it was a spiritual experience while in the temple almost a year ago. I felt her presence and was inspired that her name was Paige. I like to say that she picked her name. It was one Stephen and I had talked about, but weren't committed to. After the session, in the Celestial room, I told Stephen about my experience, and since, we've known our first daughter would be named Paige. Elizabeth is my middle name, and Stephen's parents gave their middle names to their first son and daughter, and we wanted to honor and carry on that tradition. So we also knew Elizabeth would be the middle name for our first daughter, and Bruce will be the middle name for our first son. We had already agreed on Paige Elizabeth's name before we were pregnant, as well as the first son's name (that can be a secret for a while still though), so finding out it was a girl meant we got to put her name to use right away. 

I like calling her Paige already, and I like it even more when Stephen calls her Paige. It helps everything to feel more real, like she's already a member of our family. She makes her presence known by kicking and punching my belly,and she's a night owl already. She's most active around 9 at night. I also noticed once when I think she had hiccups. It was adorable. My placenta is in the front of my stomach, which makes it hard for others to feel her, so Stephen's got to wait while she gets stronger. Besides the discomfort of Paige wanting to grow larger than my body is use to, I've been feeling a lot better. The vomiting is now a rare occurrence, which is probably the biggest blessing right now. I'm always tired, but not nearly as bad as I was during the first trimester. I'll get some lower back pain, and I'm looking into getting a maternity/baby carrying wrap to help hold everything where it needs to be. But really, I'm doing so much better. Thank you to all the concerned people who want to make sure I'm alright.

Before I end this post, I want to mention General Conference. Susan's investigator compared it to the Superbowl for Mormons, and I feel like that's accurate. I love getting the uplifting messages about the gospel and learning from great teachers and leaders. For me, I felt the overall theme seemed to be standing for what's right and making sure we're more concerned with our relationship with God than our relationship with others. It clicked with me that my beliefs are not just for me to use as a moral compass, but rather, God's laws and natural principles of what is right and wrong should be and are the moral standard for all. It makes me feel the need to be more bold in my beliefs and recognize while others have their own agency, I can't condone actions that are contrary to what is right or wrong. It also encourages me to look at my own actions and see what I might be justifying or rationalizing away. 

For the Sunday session of Conference, Stephen and I took my brother-in-law Matthew with us to visit Stephen's grandparents and my sister-in-law and brother-in-law, Heidi and Scott, as well as their new baby, Elise. She's three months old, and Stephen and I hadn't met her yet. I got to play with her a lot, though she slept far more than I wanted her to. But her naps helped her to be a happy baby, and that was much more fun than the grumpy tired baby who needed to be put to bed. She's going to be about seven months older than our daughter, and I hope Elise and Paige grow up to be good cousins and friends. It was humbling to watch Heidi and Scott be parents and realize that it would be Stephen and me in their shoes for next Conference, trying to quiet down our 2-month old.

This is really happening, people. Maybe if I say it enough times, I'll believe it. I'm so excited and so terrified. There are a lot of unknowns, and I want to do so much more research and learning than I have. I hope I can be as good as a mother that everyone tells me I'm going to be. Some days, I feel like I've totally got this, and I'm not intimidated by a baby. Other days, I realize there's going to be a point when my mom goes back home and Stephen goes back to work and I'm going to be left alone with this child that I'm suppose to take care of by myself. I'm going to have to have a talk with her and let her know that this is going to be new for all of us, and that we need to be patient with each other in order to make this parent-child, and mother-daughter, relationship work. Hopefully, she's be cooperative to this. And hopefully God will give all the needed assistance and more to help me raise one of his precious daughters. Ok, that line just got me crying. Whew. I love Paige so much already, and I'm grateful to share this journey with Stephen and with the support and love from friends and family like you. If I could send a message to Paige right now, it would be to let her know that she is so, so loved.