Waiting for Paige

This is likely the last blog post before Paige joins our family--unless I'm going to stay pregnant forever, which is kind of what it feels like right now. There's less than 2 weeks until her due date, but whether it is intuition or revelation or naivety, I feel like she's not going to come until after her due date. Part of me wants her to be born on the 12th, so that her birthday is 2-12 and mine is 12-2. She could also come on Valentine's day--we packed a special "my first Valentine's" outfit to take to the birth in case she does come that day. Though there's also a chance she'll not be able to wear that outfit if she comes later than that. I'll just have to pin the outfit to my shirt that day if she's not here. 

Paige might surprise me and come before the 8th. She could come any day now and be just fine health-wise. People expect me to be at the point where I'm just done with the pregnancy and want this baby out, but I'm kind of sad that this stage is going to end. I like being pregnant. Sure, there have been a lot of rough points these past nine months, but there have been more special moments to outweigh that. I really love having this time with just me and her. I'm going to miss feeling her move in me. I'll miss how easy it is for me to take care of her right now--as long as I'm healthy, she is too. As soon as she's born, parenting is going to be much harder than now. But I have to remember that it's going to be much more fun, too. After all, this is what the pregnancy has been leading up to. 

While I might mentally be content, my body is showing signs of wanting the end. I officially waddle everywhere I go. I try to describe how it feels to Stephen, but saying things like "I feel like my legs aren't connected to my hips" can't quite do it justice. I guess it's only something moms can relate to. I spend half my day in the bathroom it feels like because she's taking up all the room she can. She still kicks strongly, especially as I try to fall asleep. She's already a night owl, and she already wants me to stay up and play with her--I don't think that will change once she's born.

I'm really looking forward to labor with both terror and excitement. I want to say I'm confident in my ability to handle labor, but while I know my body is designed to do this, my mind still has to endure the experience. It's hard not knowing what to expect as far as how labor will be for me personally. I've read and watched a lot of stories, and for the most part, they give me comfort. I've been doing a lot of meditation and positive envisioning, as well as making plans for alternative scenarios. I found out last week I'm positive for Group B Strep, which means I need an IV during labor for antibiotics, and while that was not part of my ideal plan, I don't want things like that to ruin my experience. Also, I think the recovery process is just as daunting to me as the labor experience at this point. I'm going to write a post about my labor as soon as I'm up to it, so if you're really interested, keep your eye out for that post.

I like to think that while I've definitely been hormonal during this pregnancy, I've still been reasonable. This is probably true for the most part, but lately, my track record isn't looking so good. Two things recently have been newborn pictures and a car seat and stroller. It took a few conversations for me to convince Stephen to spend money on newborn pictures. (I may or may not have cried during those conversations, which is really not fair. Sorry, Sweetheart.) Ultimately, we're compromising by Stephen giving into me and me being happy, which isn't a fair compromise, but it's kind of hard to compromise on a yes/no thing. 

I also am now in the market for a different car seat and stroller than the one I bought when I was newly pregnant. Yes, we already have a car seat and stroller, yet I want a different one, and my reasons are mostly aesthetic. Am I unreasonable? Probably. Is Stephen spoiling me? Probably. To be fair to myself, there are a lot of other wants that I've compromised on or let go. I've also done a really good job at saving money in a lot of areas as to justify spending more on other things. I do it out of love, so that makes it ok, right?

On a completely non-pregnancy related note, Stephen and I have been enjoying our new ward. We gave talks in church last Sunday about learning through adversity and received a lot of compliments. When people come up to me and say "good talk" or something basic like that, it makes me want someone to say "that was alright," or "you were adequate," or even "that could have been better." In other words, people are only going to say nice things. But when someone rushes up to the stand, gives me a big hug, and tells me my umbrella story was inspirational and made her want to serve others more, the compliment is more sincere. We had a few people tell us they took notes, and one asked for a copy of Stephen's talk. 

We also got callings in our new ward. Stephen is a primary teacher for the 11-year-olds. There are two other teachers for that class that they'll rotate teaching the lesson for. Otherwise, he'll be there to help as needed. Stephen is great with kids of all ages, so this will be a good calling for him. I've been called as the assistant secretary in the Relief Society. Basically, I'll be responsible for the monthly newsletter, which is going to be a fun and easy calling for me, especially while I have a baby. I like formatting documents, and when most of the information is given to me and I just have to make it look good, it'll be good for me.

Our lives are good right now. I feel like a ticking time bomb with Paige coming anytime, and once she does, life will be completely different. Right now, I stay at home and clean or prepare for Paige, and Stephen works nine to five. If I need the car, I'll drop him off and pick him up for work. He works about ten minutes away from where we live, so that makes things easier. When he gets home, Stephen will help me with chores, or we play games and watch TV. Super productive, right? It's mostly us still enjoying not having many responsibilities. I've gotten into watching Family Feud and other game shows, which is a cue that I need a baby to keep me busy. 

There are still boxes around the apartment that I want to unpack before baby comes. We've been building up stockpiles of food and increasing our food storage. The nursery is finally ready, which was a big to-do list item. I need to pack my labor bag, but I'm using that as an excuse for why she can't come yet, so that task just happens to not happen. I'm trying to enjoy the last few days of living like this. It'll be an adjustment for Stephen and me to have another person to consider rather than just ourselves and each other. Fortunately, it's an adjustment I've been looking forward to for a long time. 

The End of the Year and Stephen's Vacation Time

For Christmas this year, Stephen and I traveled to St. George to spend time with my family. We left on the Monday before Christmas and stayed through Friday. It was really nice to have time with my parents and siblings. My mom threw a baby shower for me while we were there. It turned out super cute! Lots of pink and purple, along with yummy food and several friends. I got a lot of helpful and adorable gifts, and was humbled by the generosity of all who have given things to help with Paige. Thank you! Right now, everything is piled in my nursery, and I plan to sort though things soon. I'm going to have fun setting up the nursery for Paige. It will be simple but special.

While in St. George, my siblings and I gave our parents our Christmas present--a clean toy closet. We had been planning it for a few months, and late Tuesday night, after both parents went to bed, us kids got to work organizing the toy closet. We sorted through board games, puzzles, craft supplies, and much more. It took us all a few hours, but it was a big improvement once we were done. It was good to have the other kids there to help sort though games and toys they don't use anymore. We put a bow on the closet doors and went to bed around three in the morning. My mom was very excited the next day when she saw what we had all done.

It was a lot of fun for me to share my Christmas traditions with Stephen. We had spend last year at his family's house, so this year was my turn to show him what I had done growing up. I especially liked when we all drove around to look at the lights. It was the best year so far, because not only did I get to see a lot of amazing houses with my family, I got to bring my best friend along. We stopped at the temple last like we do every year and listened to the nativity story with the display they have of the manger scene. This year, I cried (surprise) because I really felt the Spirit of Christ in Christmas. It was as if we part of the pilgrimage to see baby Jesus along with the shepherds and wise men. Stephen just held me while I cried for a bit--he's really good at doing that. 

We went back home and my siblings opened their Christmas pajama presents and we read Luke 2 together and watched the #sharethegift video the Church produced this year. I helped my mom prepare the breakfast casserole we have each year, and eventually, we all went to bed. Christmas morning, I was the first one awake. The children had agreed with the parents that we could wake them up no earlier than seven, but when I got up, it was already 7:30. It was kind of strange to be the one to wake up my younger siblings and tell them it was time to open presents. In years past, they would be the ones jumping on my bed at five in the morning saying "only two more hours left!", though I guess a lot of that excitement came from my sister Susan in my memories. If she had been home this Christmas, I wouldn't have been the one to get everyone up.

We had our mad dash at the presents, something which Stephen was confused by. In his family, they each take a turn and open one present at a time while everyone watches. In my family, someone sits near the tree and tosses the presents out to the right people. As soon as you have a present, you're free to open it. We don't wait for each other. My parents said they tried to have us wait before, but quickly learned that didn't work. I'm not sure which tradition Stephen and I will implement. We finished presents quickly and had time to Skype Nicholas, Stephen's brother who is on a mission in France, for a few minutes. It was good to say hi, but the time went quick. 

We then ate breakfast and got ready for the day before it was time to Skype Susan, my sister who is on a mission in California. We were able to call her for longer, and it was really fun to talk with her for a while. I think my favorite part was her reaction to hearing Michael's voice had dropped. My 13-year-old brother now is a bass where before, he was a soprano. Susan gasped and covered her mouth for a few minutes in shock. It was pretty funny. She's doing really well and will be home in July.

Christmas afternoon, we played a lot of new games and I took a nap. We had a nice roast dinner relatively late in the evening, but it was worth the wait. We played more games and Stephen and I went on a walk. I wasn't feeling too well pregnancy wise that day, and I ended up being pretty sick that night and vomiting until I felt better. By the next morning, I felt fine though, so that was a blessing. I went shopping with my mom and sisters because what else are you suppose to do the day after you get a bunch of new stuff. Friday afternoon, my family was going to visit my Grandma in Arizona, but Stephen and I had plans back at home, so we left just a bit before them and drove north instead of South. Apparently, I slept though a snow storm and had no idea. When my mom called and asked if we had bad weather, I told her no, and Stephen laughed and corrected me after the call. I guess I hadn't factored in why we were an hour later than we should have been.

The next day, one of my best friends got married. Cody and I have been friends since Kindergarten. He and I grew up together and shared a lot of really great memories and experiences. There was no way I was going to miss his wedding if I could help it. It was the first time I got to meet Bonnie, his wife. It was special for me to be a part of the temple sealing and watch them make covenants to be together forever. While we were waiting in the temple, Paige was very, very active. Anytime I've been to the temple since being pregnant, she perks up and can't contain her excitement. It's a testimony to me of the eternal spiritual nature we have. She seems sensitive enough to react to being in the temple, and while you can probably write it off as coincidence, I choose not to see it that way.

It was special to see Cody getting married and know he's happily in love. It was also great to see my other friends who were there for the wedding too, like Ipson and Tiffany. We spent time at the reception together and then went out to dinner afterwards. I'm grateful that I have such good friends from high school and that no matter how long it's been since we last saw each other, our friendship doesn't change. We still tease each other and laugh and have inside jokes just like we did five years ago. Stephen also gets along with my friends really well and joins in on the fun like a natural. I like to think that if Stephen and I had gone to the same high school together, he would have fit in with my friend circle perfectly. 

After all the exciting events, Stephen and I began the last week of the year by finishing up gathering furniture. We got some really good deals on dressers and a crib. I'm super excited about the crib, of course, but happier to find out I saved more than 90% by buying it used, and got a mattress and mattress pad with the frame. We had some trouble trying to fit the crib in our car. We figured as long as it was disassembled, it should fit just fine in our Suzuki. False. We had to disassemble it more before we could finally get it in our car. 

We ran into the same problem of overestimating our car size again when we bought a TV stand later. We were blessed by a stranger-angel who wandered over to our end of the parking lot to see what we were up to and offered to drive our new stand home for us in his truck, even though it was completely out of his way. Instances like that remind me that one, God watches out for us, and two, I need to give back and serve others. But we finally finished getting all the furniture we need, and I'm so happy to be done.

The Monday we got home, I started a load of laundry in our new/used washer only to come back a few minutes later to see a puddle of water leaking from under the machine. Stephen took a look at it and, after some internet searching, determined we would have to take advantage of our warranty and take the washer back to the store. His uncle Russ came over the next morning and helped him load the washer into  Russ's van. While doing that, the men noticed the washer was now leaking oil as well. When they got it back to the store, the guy there didn't want to bother fixing it for us quickly and instead sent them home with a different used washer. It was nice to not need to wait for it to be fixed, and this new/used washer hasn't given me any trouble so far. Yay for budget appliances! 

We spent New Year's Eve with Stephen's uncle Russ and his family. We played Seven Wonders, which is like my favorite game, and I won. Last time Stephen and I were visiting his family at Thanksgiving, we played that game and I set the house record for highest winning score. There was definitely some pride in needing to save face on my end, so I'm happy I won. I then was significantly humbled by trying to play Acquire with the others and spending my money too quickly, practically opting me out of the rest of the game. But it was still fun. At midnight, we popped poppers and blew little horns and Stephen kissed me, just like he's promised to every year. It was a lot of fun--much more fun than it would have been had Stephen and I stayed home and stayed up late together like we do almost every night anyway. 

Yesterday was the first Monday of the new year, meaning it was time for Stephen to start his job. He's working at the same place he's been interning for the past year and a half, so it was like a second first day. It's good that he has such a great job, and we know he's going to enjoy working there, but it was bittersweet dropping him off at work. I really enjoyed the three-week vacation we had together, even if most of it was spent doing non-vacation things such as moving. I got spoiled having him around all the time. But now he's working nine to five each weekday, I'm going to have to do hard things for myself, like picking stuff off the ground when things fall, or lifting heavy (like, ten pounds) objects and carrying them alone. I had to go grocery shopping by myself and load all four objects into my trunk AND return the shopping cart to the little corral places and then walk back to my car without any help. Really, the sacrifices I make to let him go to work...he owes me. Except he came home last night and did the dishes, gave me a foot rub for like a half hour, and put me to bed early so I could get extra rest. So he really doesn't owe me. But still. I liked being spoiled with him around always. But in the real world, someone has to work in order to pay the bills, and I vote Stephen does it. 

I'll be busy myself soon enough, I know. There's still unpacking to do, and organizing things in preparation for a baby. As soon as Paige is here, I'll do my share of the work in our family. Last night, I went to the bathroom six times within nine hours, so I'm already practicing getting up regularly and functioning without a solid sleep pattern. My body is not enjoying these last few weeks of pregnancy. but it's all normal aches and pains, so nothing to be concerned with. I told my midwife how I was feeling and she nodded and said the solution to my problems was to have a baby--but not yet. I still have five more weeks until my due date, and that seems both like a long time and an extremely short amount of time. Mostly short at this point of my unpreparedness. I'm a lot more ready than I was a few weeks ago, but I doubt I'll feel fully ready, even when she's in my arms. But knowing how much Stephen spoils me, he's going to pamper Paige too, so she will be well-taken care of. The day she realizes how much she has her parents wrapped around her finger will be a hard day on us. Though as she kicks my ribs and punches my pelvic bone, I think she already knows she can get away with things pretty easily. 

To sum up, 2014 has been a good year in the Rollins household, and 2015 will be completely different, but hopefully even better than last year.